Month: November 2009

Balancing Equations

The basic unit of matter ‘atom’ needs to be balanced. If it is not so it either..donates..shares..or borrows excited electrons to get to a balanced molecular state. The balanced state being the state of harmony, where peace reigns, where everything is good in the world. Till there is no balance, the atom is searching..searching..searching..

Well similar is the case with us humans. We keep searching, are constantly on the lookout, till we find that special someone to share our lives with. Once we are reasonably certain about the person the molecule gets to a stable state.

But the game does not end there. The swapping of vows happens and then suddenly there are a few extra chemicals of accounts, budgeting, investment, cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, in-laws are thrown in to the mix. Suddenly the two of you are scrambling to balance this chemical equation. With chores..divided, time to do them..decided, repercussions of not doing them because you were lazing in front of the TV or snuggled with a book..faced, while also trying to find time to..be a couple.

D and I had this part down..worked hard on getting this part down. We were balanced when we decided we needed some more excitement..scrambling.. in our lives. So what did we do?? We had little Buzzu.. Now our little..ever growing..equation is all over the place. With two very hectic jobs, the want to spend as much time with Buzz, chores are being left on the back burner of life. And this is when my parents are around helping us out. Life is so going to be fun..not..when they head back home. But again that will be the time when we can truly start working on balancing our chemical equation we call family, because that is when some elements will be taken away from our current equation and a lot more added.

Am I dreading that time??..sure I am..but in a way looking forward to it as well because that is the state we have to live in..so that is the balance we need to find.. But do you hear me complain till then??..no way..I am enjoying every minute of the respite I receive.

Here’s hoping we find our balance soon after my parents leave. Fingers crossed.

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When you are happy..

and you know it..clap your hands..

I am clapping..clapping..clapping my hands..

The holiday season is here..Long weekend this week so I get stay home for 4 long days and spend time with Buzzu..

My SIL and sweet little niece are heading over for rest of the year. Niece dear is excited about spending time with her Dada, Dadi, Bua, Fu and Buzz. Actually mostly with Buzz because the last time these two met, Buzzu was 10 weeks old so my niece was not allowed close access to Buzz. This time she is making sure and then doubly sure that she can play..touch..sleep with Buzz Bee. And I can’t wait to hold her, play with her, tell her stories. She owns a piece of my heart..what with her being the first child in the family. And to have her spending time with us for the next month a little bit more is going to be a pleasure.

And then in 3 weeks my brother comes over..oh to have family around..what fun..

If you’re happy and you know it..then your face will surely show it
If you’re happy and you know it..clap your hand.

Judging and being judged

We as humans are constantly judging others in one shape or form. But never is the judgment as vocal as when it comes to raising a child. Suddenly everyone has an opinion and nothing you do is the right thing to do. Being a new parent is difficult as is but to be constantly bombarded with suggestions, comments and big eyed ‘you really did that’ expressions gets too much to take.

So here are the suggestions I have heard till date (at least the ones I remember):

  • Bath – ‘You should bathe the baby first thing in the morning. It refreshes the baby.’/’ Bath time should be just before bed time. This way baby sleeps more peacefully.’
  • Massage – ‘You should massage your baby for at least a year. Simulates blood circulation, which results in stronger bones.’/’Massage is a waste of time. Does not help and takes too much effort.’
  • Nursing – ‘Breastfeeding the baby for minimum a year is really beneficial for the baby. It strengthens their immune system and they fall sick less often.’/’Breastfeeding is a big propaganda done by some organization. Formula is just as beneficial with the added benefit of you not being tied down to the baby all times.’
  • Feeding – ‘Feed carb rich food to the baby early in the day so that she has had time to digest them by the time she goes to bed.’/’Carb rich food take longer to digest and hence if feed just before going to bed baby sleeps longer stretch.’
  • Toys – ‘Buy a lot of different kind/color of toys for the baby. This simulates the baby and expands their mental capacity.’/’Baby’s who play with toys, are not curious about their surroundings so don’t waste your money of them. Let the baby play by herself. This way she will explore her environment, thus expanding her mental capacity’.
  • Cuddle – ‘Baby’s loves to be cuddled and held. This makes them feel secure, which results in happy, non fussy babies.’/’Cuddle baby too much and they get used to it. You will not get a moment of peace then. They will always want to be held and when they are not they will become super cranky.’
  • Daycare – ‘Sending your baby to daycare is a recipe for disaster. They become insecure, rowdy and bullies.’/’Baby’s who go to daycare are well-adjusted, follow a schedule, disciplined, play well with other kids and know how to share toys, books etc.’

All of this in simple terms means that there are pro and cons to everything and me as a parent has to come up with a plan on what works for my baby and me. And sometimes if neither of the two extremes works, I take the middle ground. To be honest the suggestions I still take positively and listen to patiently, as they seem to be well-meaning, without malice. It’s the absolute conviction that their way is the only way to go and if you are not following that you are a bad parent, the judgment in their voice and eyes, that get’s me hoping mad. What worked for you may not work for me.  I will ask for advice when I need to, but till then I need to do what I think is right for my baby. If I make mistakes they are mine to make and mine to learn from.

So please..please hold your judgments to yourself, because if not, you are letting yourselves open to being judged by me and I really don’t want to expend my time and energy on that when I have a shortage of both at the moment.

Visual love – Fall

Now that the trees are bare..look at the pile on the ground..to the leaves brown.

Remember their riot of color..the green not so much.. as red, and gold, and orange, and yellow.

Just a few weeks back..the trees were covered..leaves dancing, rustling, fluttering.

No more.. no more..just the images remain..so why the wait..come see..

There is no season such delight can bring,
As summer, autumn, winter and the spring.
– William Browne, Variety, 1630

The not so nice..

You hear everyone talk about the upside..the joy..the love of having a baby..and they are all true. But unknown to people without kids and unspoken by the ones that do..there is phase which is not so nice..called postpartum depression..every woman I know and have spoken to who has had babies, has gone through some form of PD (or milder form called Baby Blues)..but no one (at least in the Indian women) is ready to openly talk about it or even completely acknowledge that they went through the blues. Is it because our society does not think mental trauma is a form of sickness that needs to be talked about and treated..is it because we think on acknowledging depression we leave ourselves open to being called Paagal..or is it the dread of being called a bad parent in general and a bad mother specifically if we come out in the open and say we have the baby blues. I don’t know..I truly don’t.

I had of course heard of PD (what with the huge Brooke Shield, Tom Cruise controversy) but like an idiot never thought I would have one. Well I was wrong..really wrong. I could not handle the hormones raging through my body after Buzz was born. I did not even have a clue on how to handle them. I don’t know what people are talking about when they talk about PMS or when they say hormonal during pregnancy. I, to the best of my knowledge, don’t go through PMS and was not hormonal at all during my pregnancy. So suddenly after the hormone levels progressively increasing in my body for 9 months, the baby was out, and I was left with these elevated levels.

Thinking back, I think I went crazy for a while. Would cry at any odd thing..the neighbors baby crying would have me in tears..violence of TV would have me crying buckets..D getting back home late from work would find me holding sleeping Buzz and shaking with tears. I think staying alone for most part of the day (my parents had left when Buzz was a month old and D was at work), not meeting anyone, not talking to anyone had something to do with it. I knew all I needed to do was pick up the phone and could talk to my SIL or any of my friends, but I just could not seem to muster the energy or the inclination to do that. And it is such a vicious cycle. One feeding on the other. Another thing that factored in was the overwhelming feeling of responsibility..being responsible for such a tiny human being..and especially one you are head over heels in love with. The weight was too much on my emotionally unstable shoulders.

D, poor guy, was at a loss..anything and everything he did was taken incorrectly by me..or rather the emotional me..the rational me knew it was my issue, he was doing nothing wrong..but did that stop me from being a total wack??..Oh no..

I finally went and spoke to Dr. T about it. She listened and then asked questions: – Do I love Buzzu..Yes, Yes. – Do I get enough sleep..Yes, not in one continuous stretch, but I do sleep a lot. – Do you get upset when you have to get up every two hours to feed her..No, don’t mind that at all. – Do you do a lot of other household work..Hmm, no, I just do what I can or feel like, D takes care of the rest. – Do you have suicidal thoughts..No, never.

The verdict: Mild form of Baby Blues, not even classified as PD. Give it time..a few months..and things will start to get better.

Well if this was mild, I truly don’t want to know what moderate or severe form of PD is like. And I am glad that I am back to being me..comfortable in my own skin..comfortably nam.

Leaving with one of my favorite song when I have the blues, Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd

 

Mera chaen waen..

sab ujjada..

So what is the India athletes are not much of a presence in the international sports arena..Indian music is making its presence felt..Watch and enjoy..

PS: Can’t wait for the winter Olympics to start early next year. Whistler is my absolutely favourite ski town. Wish I could be there to watch the Olympics. But I will be keeping my eyes peeled on the slopes and landmark and trust me I will be screaming ever so often..been there..done that slope..(OK so me not so much as the done part..I am happy with my blue slopes..D will be the one with done that part)..Can’t wait..can’t wait..

Name I call you by..

Dear Buzz Bee,

There is so much I want to tell you..well about you..but you are too little to remember..and I am not sure you would want to hear once you grow old..or I will remember as age gets to me..so I write to you now with the hope that you will get here in time, to read for yourself.

When I first started feeling you move inside me, there was no measuring my excitement. Your poor Paa felt so left out. For the longest while, no matter how many times I held his hand on my stomach he did not feel the kicks. Those were the days when I gave you your first name..Phudku Singh..Why you ask??..because you did move a lot and never in one place..you were all over in the little confined space you called home. You absolutely hated anyone or anything touching you. You would move away from the place you were kicking if D or me put our hand on that location,  to kick someplace else. It was like a mini treasure hunt to find your heartbeat during doctor’s appointments. They would find your beat and within seconds you would move away, because again you hated anything that close to you. The first time D did feel you move, he broke into this huge grin and refuse to remove his hand off my stomach. By then there wasn’t any space for you to move away..so what did you do??..you stopped moving and went to sleep. Not very nice to you Paa were you?? 🙂 But to be honest..it was a small joy to me..you were mine for those 40 weeks 2 days that I carried you..all mine till everyone claimed parts of your time..called you their something..

It’s amazing how similar you are from the time when you were inside me to now when you are out exploring the world..you are never still..always moving..till the time you fall asleep..you hate to be held while awake..you want to be moving..batting your hand..kicking your legs. There are huge smiles with the a dimple on each cheek for everyone..the mad dash to anyone you know to be picked up now that you can crawl..but once the hug is done..you move and wiggle till you are let down to play with the next thing and the thing after that. Something or the other keeps catching your fancy and off you buzz to explore.

That’s why my love..I call you a Buzz Bee..

PS: If you are under any doubt..you are the Queen Bee and we, your Dad, Mom, Nana, Nani are all worker bee’s catering you your every whim.

PSS: I should also add..you are very fair in your Rule..doolling out smiles, hugs, kisses (well smiles are yours, the rest we take) freely and endlessly.

Loads of love,

-Maa