Better late

I meant to write this in April but April said auf Wiedersehen before I could even blink my eyes.

Before I say anything, I think every parent should go read this. These are guidelines for Little League but they make sense in day to day life as well, after all the end goal is to try and protect our kids from abuse.

Now on to the little steps D and I have started taking. We spoke about it at length and decided ‘Keep It Simple Stupid’ was the way to go for now. Our task was further simplified on Buzz’s last visit to her pediatrician’s office. *Start digression* Buzz thinks Doctors’ offices are special. After all Mom kept going to one while she was pregnant and then for post-natal checkups as well. Bugz gets to go frequently too, what with all the monthly checkups and immunization visits. Papa had a few trips in the middle for some reason. Which meant Buzz was the only one left out of the loop. Added to that Buzz’s trips to the doctor’s office are a lot of fun. New toys to play with while we wait, no hurt or pain of any kind, a sticker and lollypop in the end. Who would not want to go to the doctor’s office? *End digression* Her pediatrician spoke to her about her private areas and that no one was supposed to touch them.

For all the times Buzz refused to pay attention to what we were telling her, she listened to her doctor in the first go around. We have been keeping at it since. It is all play and games for her but at least she replies back with correct answers when asked:

Who is allowed to touch your private area?
What do you do when someone touches you there?
What do you do when someone tells you not to tell Mumma or Papa?

After which we move on to jumping on the stairs or splashing in the water or whatever else we were doing.

Will this help? I don’t know, but I hope it does. I really hope it does.

Learning as I go

Little Finger tagged me on the 5 lessons of life that being a Mom has taught me.

I have always said that being a parent is not easy. It is a lot of work but it is also very rewarding. One smile, one uttered Mumma, one hug can heal a day’s worth of wounds. As I walk down this journey here are the things that stand out the most as the learning from the road travelled thus far:

1. Judging parents: Till I had Buzz it was very easy for me to judge other parents based on how their kids behaved, the kind of food they ate, the time they went to sleep. But once I became a parent realization came that there is no good parent/bad parent. We are all doing the best we can for our kids in a way that works for us. I might not agree with the parenting style of someone but that is their way and just as I have to follow my way, they need to follow there’s. I stopped judging parents and have realized that with time it is flowing in to other aspects of my life. I give everyone a longer rope for their actions rather than making snap judgments about anyone.

2. Kind of mother: We all have an image in our heads of the kind of person we are. And then life happens and we see what we really are. Along with this image, I also had an image of the kind of mother I would be. Motherhood turned that image on its head. I am not even a quarter of my image of myself as a Mom. I make a lot of mistakes, I get angry, I get frustrated, I want to give up at times. All this is followed by me getting upset at myself. I have learned I am nowhere close to being perfect as a human being or as a Mom and that it is ok to make mistakes and it is ok to forgive myself even when I make the same mistakes in some shape or form over and over again.

3. Unconditional love: Cliché as it may sound, I have really truly learned the meaning of unconditional love. With my friends and D and even my parents the grownup mind plays games when I am angry and it takes me time to let go of my anger when things go wrong. Buzz on the other hand cries buckets, throws a fit, flings herself on the ground but the minute all of it is done she comes running because she wants to be held. For her we are the ultimate comfort providers, the ones who soothe away all the hurt. And when she nestles in my lap with her head against my chest, all the anger seeps away leaving behind only love. Unconditional, without any strings.

4. Giving space: As a Mom it is easy to be swept away in the river of guilt because it shows up at every turn ready to take you in. And I have learned that it is ok to take some time off for myself, to give myself some space. It is ok to send Buzz to daycare when I take a day off because it keeps me sane. It makes me relax and be a better Mom to her when she is at home. It helps me heal from my hurts and pains so that I can spend quality time with her when she is around. It reminds me that I have a persona other than being a Mom and it needs to be nurtured too, because at some point I will have to let Buzz go and I don’t want to be an empty shell when that happens.

5. Competition: I never realized how soon competition comes in to play with kids. Not from the kids side but amongst the mothers. It starts with my baby started rolling over at 3 months, has yours started yet? Moves on to when they start to sit, crawl, walk, talk and the comparison never end. Then there is the need to impress others that we are better moms, so there is ‘I take my baby to the park everyday’, ‘I cook fresh food for him/her everyday’, ‘I take her/him to this and this and this class twice a week’. And others follow suit listing out what all they do. After a while if you stop and look you realize you are putting extra pressure on yourself as a Mom, no one else really cares what you are doing for your kid or the milestone your kid has reached. And even more importantly the kid does not care. They are going at their pace and till they are happy and healthy why stress out? I was there in the rat race for the award of the best Mom for a while till I realize it was not worth it. In fact I was putting extra pressure on myself and on Buzz at this tender an age to compete about something which was not even important. I learned to take a step back. I still get sucked in once a while but awareness comes more and more quickly these days for me to back up just in time.

Learning of parenthood will go on but till then I have to tag 5 Moms.

AHK – because I bet she will have some fun things to say (if she finds the time to write about them).

Scribby – as a new Mom, I am sure her lessons are endless.

Uma – with her experience I bet we will all have something to learn.

Ambuli’s Amma – we have to welcome her back from the heat of India in style right?

Sakshi – what better way to get her out of her blog slumber and because I can guarantee she will crack us all up with her learnings. 😀

 Take it away ladies. 🙂

iTalk

Hey People,

While Maa is busy with birthdays and baby showers and festival season and gifts to buy and house to clean and lights to put up.. my talk post is getting no importance at all. Just when I was ready to sulk and throw a fit, Akka came to my rescue. She helped me out by reading all the comments and telling me what everyone wrote. She even went and tallied things and came up with the maximum score.

2.5 out of 10 😮

Seeing my eyes well up with tears, Akka wrote down what I mean in a language that all of you understand. So here you go..all of you. Read, learn and remember, OK? Else how will I talk to all of you when we meet up? OK.

1. Aicacker – Helicopter
2. Shoom – Mushroom
3. Mummay – Mermaid
4. Staaw – Strawberry
5. Pip – Bib
6. Neow – Meow
7. Seaha – Sea Horse
8. Sunsee – Sunscreen
9. Onae – Orange
10. Bot – Robot

iTalk badge goes to Swaram, Chatterbox, BitsOfChocolate and Preethi

Yay.. all of you.

PS: A special mention to my special friend..Ms. Rays for pulling Maa’s leg through it all and making everyone laugh 😀

PPS: Is my Akka the bhest or what 😀

What did she say??

Buzz is all set to hold her end of a conversation now. She goes on and on in the perfect cadence of one having a conversation with a few words that actually makes sense thrown in the middle to keep Maa and Paa on their toes. When Maa/Paa give her a blank eyed look after her side of the dialog is done, she can be seen  shaking her head as in thinking to herself, ‘why did I have to get stuck with these two’.

Give this, how could I not share the love with all of you. It is time to daudaao dimaag ke ghode again and guess what Buzz means when she says:

1. Aicacker
2. Shoom
3. Mummay
4. Staaw
5. Pip
6. Neow
7. Seaha
8. Sunsee
9. Onae
10. Bot

Most correct answers wins the ‘Buzz Talk Pals‘ badge. So go on..ghode daudaaing..answer likhing.. 😀

PS: Sounding words out loud might help. Adding letter in the front or at the end might help. Thinking outside of what you see will definitely help  😛

Roshani Hei..

Dhuan chata, khula gagan mera..
Nayi dagar, naya safar mera..
Jo bansake tu hamsafar mera..
Nazar mila jara

That is my answer to a very badly translated and then scrambled song.

The trophy as people who answered correctly goes to Nu, Piyu, Parul and ElegantChic.

Enjoy your trophy ladies and pass it on in your own version of scramble contest. While I go listen to one of my favorite songs..

Jo gumshuda sa khaab tha..wo mil gaya..wo khil gaya..