Month: April 2014


– All my work backlog is done. There is still a lot to do but at least it is only my work that I need to do. Plus the project I am working on is new (to me), super high importance but more importantly very interesting. #LearningNewThingsAndExecutingWellOnThem

– Ski season is done and dusted. Snow is melting away to give way to flower filled meadows. Buzz has gotten used to lazy Sundays again. No longer does she demand to be taken to the mountains. #FreeTimeForAChild

– For two weekends straight we stayed at home. The house was cleaned from top to bottom. For every place I cleaned, the two helpers cleaned the same place twice over. #SparkelingCleanMessFreeHouse

– Buzz has half an hour swimming class every weekend. I started taking Bugz to the pool as well. Bugz loves water, a flotation device keeps her safe, I let her do as she pleases. There will be time for learning the skills, this is time to have fun. She loves to play in water but was scared to jump in while standing at the edge of the pool. It took me 3 or so weeks but the fear is no more. Now jumping in is the new favorite activity. She is in and out of the pool every 5 mins #JumpRightIn

– Buzz’s school had an art show recently. They save three art works for each child through the school year and then display it on a particular day. To see art done by your child, presented beautifully is an experience. Buzz loves art, she is forever drawing, coloring, creating but this year’s art show was an eye opener for me. The things she imagined and how well she executed on them. We redecorated her room with the new art she has been doing and the ones we got from school. #JoyOfCreativity

– Bugz was a miser when it came to kisses. My younger one not giving me kisses went against my right as a mother so I started working on it. “Bugz kissi,” became a mantra. Now we have it down pat. I get a kiss each on each cheek and so does she, after which we grin ear to ear. She continues to be a miser with everyone else, Paa included. #ProudMomMomentEvilMomMoment

– A friend recently had a baby. I was on standby all day Friday to drive her parents to the hospital as soon as the baby was born. I got the call at 5:15 in the evening, “baby is here!” I called D to pick up Buzz,  buckled Bugz in her car seat, drove to pick up Uncle and Aunty and then to the hospital. Besides the parents and the hospital staff, I was among the first ones to see the little guy. Adorable is the word. You forget how tiny and fragile they are and how absolutely precious. Bugz was besides herself going “chotta sa baby!” #HoldingPreciousnessInYourHands

– A trip has been planned, tickets have been booked. We are still a couple of months out but the excitement level is high at home. We can’t wait to get through the school year and then relax for a week before starting summer school. #DreamingOfSunSandAndBlueWaters

– I started running again. The ankle is almost all good and to test it further, I went for a run. Minor soreness and nothing else and so I started. I try running about 3 times a week, 40 mins, 3 miles. The muscles are sore, body asks what the heck am I doing, but I go on. #GoodSoreMusclePain

– D does not travel out of town as much any more. When he switched jobs early last year, it resulted in constant travelling for him. He was gone a couple times a week, every week. It took a toll on all of us. Buzz would have a meltdown every single day he was not home. “I miss Papa!” she would cry. Bugz would follow in tune of course. There was all the travelling for D and all the extra work for me. We were a total mess. Re-orgs, upper management decisions and crafty deflections (from his side) and he has only travelled a couple of times this year. #TogetherWeMakeAFamily

– Wedding preparations are in full swing in India. Every call made ends up in discussion of what the kids will be wearing, what I will be wearing (D no one cares about). Given how my tastes for India wear runs toward cotton which is a big no no for a wedding, but again given how no one is sure what I will like, there is constant talk but no end result. The latest is that I have told them, find me a tailor who is ready to do all the stitching in a week’s time and I will take care of the rest. #ExcitementOverAFamilyWeddingAfterYears

– Buzz can’t wait to go to India. Her demands are long and ever growing. “I want to eat paranthas everyday. Paneer paranthas are my favorite! I want mehndi on my hands! I want to wear a saree. Please can I wear bangles? Can I get holes in my ears? Will there be mithaa to eat?”. #FirstWeddingCelebrationForTheLittleOnes


Matru Ki Bijlee Ka Mandola

“Let’s go skiing on Saturday,” he said.
“I am done for the season,” she said.
“We will have fun! Come on,” he said.
“The day trip tires me out completely and I need some rest,” she said.

Back and forth, they went and a compromise was made. Weekend trip to the mountains, a place to stay the night, no TV, no internet.



“Mandola! Me go mandola pe!”
“Gondola baby, Gondola!”
“Noooooo, madola!”


The look in their eyes, the smile on their face, the bounce in their steps as they enter the Gondola, the chant of “Mandola..Mandola..Mandola!” which of course resulted in me singing the song and the two every excited kids asking their questions:

“What is Matru?”
“and Bijlee?”

Mandola, needs no explanation!


The Gondola climbed up at a steady pace and Buzz finally looked around and saw the slope. Her face dropped immediately

“This is a big cliff. I will fall coming down.”
“We will come down an easier slope,” D told her with a smile.


While Buzz and D did their trips up and down the mountain, Bugz and I build snow castle and snow car and snow bus and snowman, all while I took in the view and iced …errr snowed my backside (which I hurt in a fall down the stairs that morning)


The evening was spend fighting over a place to sleep

“I want to sleep on the high bed,” she said.
“It does not have a protection bar, you will fall!” they said.
“I will not! I want to sleep up there,” she stubbornly repeated.

“Me sleep on baby bed,” she said.
“Yeah ‘me’ can sleep on baby bed,” they said.


Finally Buzz did sleep on the top bunk of the bunk bed while we stuffed pillows around her.

Bugz, who wanted to sleep on the trundle bed was forced to sleep on the lower bunk of the bunk bed. And the trundle was left outside to catch either of them, if they fell.


Somewhere in the middle of night, I woke up with a *puduk*. I looked up to see Bugz on the trundle but continuing to sleep. I poked D and he switched her back to the bunk bed.

Next was some *bump*.
“I did not fall, I did not fall! I jumped because I wanted to go to the restroom,” Buzz kept repeating as she ran off.


Morning came with breakfast of eggs and pancakes and it was back up the Mandola. Back to singing, back to skiing, back to playing with snow and back to the amazing view.




State Of Mind

Physically, mentally, any possible way there is to be – I am tired. We are now on to middle of April and I have had not a single day to just be. Weekdays, weekends, none!

I look back at the time when D and I were just married and wonder why I was so upset to have all that time to self? Why was the frustration of not being able to work so high? Why did I feel I was losing out on my dreams, my career? Job, visa status, inability to work – so much time I spend crying over it, why? I do know why, of course I do. But now when there are no breaks, why do I remember those time and smile at them? They were good times; they made for happy memories, even them tears.

I look back at the first few years when I started working again and I see this me who wanted so badly to make up for the years lost. Long work hours – self chosen, quick promotions – reward, better projects – fought for.

I look back to the time when Buzz was born and remember my decision to take a step away from the fast lane. While I did not leave my job completely, I did not take everything that was given to be either. I learned to say ‘No’ and be firm about it. I smile at my need to rush back home and hold my little baby, every single day.

I look back to the time when I was pregnant with Bugz and think of it as my lowest point personally and professionally. A promotion that was promised to me for all my work turned to the worst review I ever received due to getting a manager from hell at the last minute. And it did not even stand in front of the personal loss I was dealing with. The little humans and the hold they have on my heart were the only reason that I kept going.

I look back at last year, to the promotion that I finally got, only to realize it did not matter to me. I shrugged and moved on. No cheering, no celebration, nothing! My job now I think of as part-time, something I do on the side. My fulltime focus is my kids, my house. Do I hear snickers from my friends, of course and I have heard enough since the time Buzz was born. I have it easy, or I have taken the easy way out, I am told over and over again. Not a discussion I want to get into, so another shrug from me.

I look at the past couple of weeks and wonder what just happened. My entire team went missing for one reason or the other. There was one who was getting married, the other who had planned a vacation months is advance, the other whose training came up – one he had been waiting for months to get in to. Where did that leave the only person from the team at work, a.k.a me? Doing five peoples job, that’s what. 16+ hours a day, for a couple of weeks and then left with a backlog of my own work, which I am still trying to make up for. I don’t only feel like a zombie, I actually look like one too. Friday before last, while playing with the kids, around 6:30 in the evening, I lay down on the couch for a second and passed out. D came home to them kids jumping on me and I slept through it all. This past Tuesday, while D got the two little monkeys ready for bed, I lay down for a sec and fell asleep again, only to be woken up by Bugz trying to pry my eyelids apart so that she could get her goodnight kiss.

In my fatigue induced dream world I sit and think to myself that in true blue Indian mother style I should quit work and start to focus on Buzz’s education when she turns 15. Peek study years, getting admissions to a good college.. yada yada. Mind drifts off to ‘the girls will be old by then, we can all take a girly vacation together while D can continue working to provide for the said vacation’. Ahh! The images are perfect, when my work email pings like crazy and I crash land in to reality. As I morn, it comes to me that I am exactly half way through my total working years if I actually quit at that time. Halfway done people! Yahoo! My future is bright, with times with the kids when they will actually remember, vacations and trips, girl times (if they want one, but we will not think sad thoughts). Retirement here I come!


One Sunday morning in mid Jan, Buzz wore her ski boots, stumbled her way through putting them in her skis, tried going down a bunny slope, fell, complained, tried again, cribbed, repeat and repeat some more.

One Sunday morning at end of March, Buzz wore her ski boots, clicked them into her skis confidently, went on the quad chair lift, up the big cliff (the easy green lifts are for kids after all), came down a bumpy slope with ease.

The same Sunday morning, Bugz wore little ski boots, broke Maa’s back while trying to put on the littlest skis ever, a few simple instructions followed and she came down the bunny slope, with full confidence, right in to Maa’s waiting hands.

The same Sunday, around 4:00 P.M., Buzz came down the slope making a big snake along with her class and all the other classes taking lessons. Parent cheered, bells rang, claps and shouts, cameras flashed, pride so high on those slopes that you could almost see it.

10 weeks went by before we realized. The progress Buzz made was beyond words. The joy Bugz showed worth 100. D can’t stop gushing over his little ones’ and planning endless trips to the mountains, of course. As for me, I started my journey one Sunday morning in mid Jan with one kid on the bunny slope and ended it one Sunday morning at end of March with the other kid on the same bunny slope.

We all gladulated as a family, don’t you think, even when only one of us got a certificate to prove it.