She is like this wonly..

Bugz, my little baby is growing up and as she does, her big personality within her little body is coming out in full force.

As we stand at the top of a ragging waterfall she runs towards it because all she sees is water and water only means one thing, swimming. As we hold on to her tight, she kicks and screams, angry at the idiots (us) who don’t understand the simplest of things.

The word swimming/swimsuit are met with only one reaction. Her tugging at her clothes, to get out of them and to get her swimsuit on. Once at the pool, who has the time to wait for parents, these adults take too much time getting in. She jumps right in and by the time parents franticly get in, she has drunk half the water in the pool.

Fiercely independent, she wants to do every thing on her own. Clothes, food, water, poo, pee. Try doing something for her that she wants to do and you will be met with anger as she taps her chest with her hand as she explains that the task is for her to do.

To balance all the ‘do self’ attitude comes the need to be held. In the middle of her games, she suddenly comes running, climbs on our lap facing us, one leg on each side, her head on our chest and hands holding us tight. If the gesture is not met with a tight hug in return, she demands her right. Thus we sit minutes on end, holding each other.

Refuse to do something her way and she is seen crying at the top of her lungs, running in circles, laying on the floor. Let her go on for a few minutes and she quickly figures out it is of no use. She runs back for her hug, and then moves on the next big thing.

Ask her to say anything new and she responds with a ‘no’. Keep saying the same word every now and then and she will say it all on her own a few days later, almost perfect in her pronunciation. There is thyankee (thank you), gum (gummy bear), bhoo bhoo (dog sound), key, shoe, car, tuck (truck), meme (herself), aaanty (aunty), ungle (uncle), igg (egg), bead (bread), dudhu (milk), ninoo (sleep) and so many more.

Her favorite sentence has to have ‘Poo’ in them. ‘Mumma Poo’, ‘Papa Poo’, ‘Didi Poo’, ‘BhooBhoo Poo’, ‘BhooBhoo Car Poo’, ‘Meme Poo’. There is a running commentary in our house anytime anyone goes does their business and is announced at full volume till someone acknowledges what she is saying.

There is no need to teach her any of the big transitional things. She looks at others, tries them out and learns all on her own. She potty trained herself. She would tell me ‘poo’ (pee and poo are the same for her), I would check her diaper and find them empty, so I started putting her on the pot. Now she sometimes even gets up in the middle of the night to scream, ‘POO, POO, POO’ till one of us wakes up and takes her to the bathroom.

Similarly she taught herself to drink from a glass. She says, ‘Pati’ (pani), takes the glass from our hand, we say ‘munh band’ (close your mouth), immediately she does. And we repeat with every sip she drinks.

Her counting starts with two, because well everyone else says one, and ends with thee (three). We tell her ‘Bugz one kissy de de’ as we kiss her cheek. She moves her other cheek towards us and says, ‘two’. As we kiss her again she happily says, ‘thee’. And we kiss her three. Our repeating three only gets, ‘done’ in return.

She has the loudest, hurt your eardrums, gives you a headache, scream. She has the happiest, melt your heart, make you laugh along, laugh. Stubborn, happy, tantrum throwing, doing things her way, independent, demanding love – this is our Bugz.

Hide and Seek

Sometime last month we went camping with friends and the kids got introduced to the game that marks all of our childhood – Hide and Seek. While the adults took care of setting up the tents and getting the meal ready, the kids hid behind trees and cars and were laughing all the time.

Yesterday after the evening meal was done and D and I had crashed on the couch, Buzz smiled and asked, “Can we play hide and seek, Mumma?”.

“Sure, go hide”, I told her and off she ran.

Too tired to get up (also knowing where Buzz was hiding) I send Bugz to find her. “Go Bugz, find Didi”, and off she was. We knew Buzz was spotted by Bugz’ lough laugh and Buzz’s shriek.

As the came to us with smiles on their faces, I told Bugz it was her turn to hide. Bugz turned around, ran and hid in the exact same place as Buzz. Buzz found her with no issues at all.

The two of them took turns a couple of times when D said, “my turn, now both of you find me.” I entertained the kids while D found a place to hide. The three of us laughed and giggled and then the kids were off finding Papa. I could hear calls of “Papa”, “Bugz go look there” and then loud laughs as Papa was found.

It was Papa’s turn to seek and the kids scrambled around to hide. Once D was done finding the kids, since all he needed to do was follow the giggles, Buzz asked “where is Mumma?”. Oh no! Mumma was hiding too and Papa had to now really work on his seeking skills.

We hid, we searched, we found. Every door, closet, corner in the house was searched. We laughed, clapped, jumped.

Simple childhood game, continues to give so much joy. Simple childhood game, still keeps us entertained. Simple childhood game, now has new additions to its players list.

Reflecting..Musing..

I look at little babies and the overwhelming feeling I get is relief. Relief that I am done with that part of my life – I am done with sleepless nights, endless feeding sessions, constant worry about every sound or lack of, helplessness when they cry and nothing seems to soothe them. I love playing with little babies and go aww over their smiles but I also smile when I hand them over to their parents.

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I see my kids run and play and feel sad when they call to me to come play with them and I can’t owing to my hurt ankle which does not seem to be getting better. Doctor tells me, I need to rest. I laugh at her face because rest is the hardest thing to do in the current stage of my life. The kids don’t really understand, they want their food and bath, their hugs and holding, their games and  dances, their pick ups and drop offs to various activities. I try to do it all and when the pain gets too much, I firmly refuse their next set of demands. The look of total betrayal on their faces makes my heart break a little every single time.

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I feel my body not being able cope up with two active kids and I regret the decision to keep postponing having them years ago. As a young 20 something – making something of my carrier, enjoying a carefree life, having fun were things that seemed important. The idea, that is prominent in our generation, that kids are the end of having a fun life scared the life off me. It was easy to say, ‘we are still young, there is still time’. Now I wish we had then a few years early. I wish my body was healthy enough to run after them, play with them and not be tired at the end of the day. I sometimes wonder if having kids a little earlier would have taken lesser of a toll on my body than it did and hence added to the general sense of having more energy.

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I look at friends in their mid 30s who are struggling to have kids, going though fertility issues and late miscarriages and am puzzled with the decisions we as a generation are taking. 1 in 5 pregnancy result in a miscarriage. That is 20% of pregnancies. I see various people from older generation shake their head and say these things were almost unheard of in their times and I think there really is some truth in having kids early in life. May be the human body is designed in a certain way and we should respect that.

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About a month back I went out to lunch with three of my other work friends. The one other girl friend in the group and I started talking about how difficult life was at the moment. Between work and demands of constantly keeping up with the expectations at work, kids and the attention they require, cooking and cleaning, meeting other social obligations, we both were feeling run down. Looking at what I do everyday and how things are going to be in the future, I don’t see anything changing and if it does change it will be to add more to my day and not take anything from it. The very thought scares me but I hate feeling this way. I hate constantly cribbing or feeling overwhelmed.

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I am making little changes in my everyday life and that makes me happy. I got a haircut and tie my hair a little differently. Most times when I go for a haircut I give them precise instructions on length, cut etc. This time I went and all I said was let the length be at least to the point where I can tie it up, the rest is up to you. No control, no expectations, worst come to worst I would tie my hair. I loved the haircut. It is different and it makes me feel so much better. I play around with how to tie it, spending 5 extra mins on myself everyday. I got my earrings out and started wearing them regularly. I went shopping and bought a short skirt. Things I have not done since I had Buzz. The look on D’s face as I came down wearing my skirt and I laugh a happy laugh. Doing little things for myself makes the burden of all I need to do in my day feel a little lighter.

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I carry a couple of books to Buzz and Bugz room. Buzz sits on her bed so that I can read them to her. I tell her that we will laydown and read the books, so she promptly does. Bugz looks at her didi, makes for the bed and lays down as well, leaving some space for me in the middle of the bed. Kids on both sides, snuggling up to me, I start reading the book. Somewhere in the middle for some reason we have a tickle fight. Which is followed by playing our own version of ‘if you are happy and you know it’. There are laughs and claps and hugs and kisses. Books are forgotten but then bedtime routines are meant to be broken sometimes. The happy sounds are more important.

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On my way out of work I saw two, almost in their teens, girls playing. A quick glance told me they were siblings. One ran, the other ran behind, they stopped and laughed at something and I had a flash forward of what my future holds. I had an instant smile on my face as I walked passed them, only to look up and have my eyes clash with a woman who obviously was their mother. She smiled at me but what caught my attention was the pride in her eyes and the joy of having someone smile looking at her little girls. I can’t wait for that look in my eyes a few years down the line.

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I look at D cheering Buzz as she rides her Bike and Bugz jumps around him. I see him carefully hold Bugz and the bike as she sits on it for her ride and Buzz claps along. I see the three of them run and play and laugh and hold hands and am thankful. Thankful for my little family and the sunshine that fills it.

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The future from what I can see right now looks like a mixed bag. All I want to do is walk towards it with a lot of joy; take what comes my way in a confident stride; be sad when need be, shed a tear or two when called for, but not wallow in self pity for too long; I want to remember all the good times and chalk all the difficult times as a phase of life which everyone has to go through.

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Family dynamics

When I grow up who will be my family?

she asked. Even though I understood the question, not sure how to answer it, I asked her what she meant.

When I grow up who will my Mumma? Who will be my Papa?
We will, Mumma and Papa will always be your Mumma and Papa.

Back and forth a few times and she dropped the topic.

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When I grow up I will stay in that house.

she said, pointing to the house across the street from us.

Why that house?
Because it has a yard in it.
Where will I stay?
In this house with Papa.

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When I am very very very old, how will I have a family.

Sigh! I get your questions sweetheart, I really do. I just don’t know how to explain the making of a new family to you. The fact that you see yourself as a child in your future and are looking for a Mom and a Dad makes it even more complicated to explain.

Parenting truly teaches one the art of creative thinking and makes one the master of diverting topics. Whatay fun!