You – Through My Eyes

Dear Buzz,

There are some days when the need to write just takes over. Today is one of those days, so I dust up the cobwebs of my memory to dig up the password to this now rarely visited place.

There are so many things I want to capture, so many little things you do and have been doing, so many ways you are growing and learning, so many reasons you give us to be proud and happy.

This past year has been a year of emotional learning for you. You have this deep seeded kindness in you, where you are unfailingly nice to your classmates. Due to this, people come become friends with you. It’s a slow process, but in the end without you trying, you always have friends around you. This year though, you learned that not everyone does and goes about friendships like the way you do. You learned the grays of friendship. It was a hard lesson to learn, one you struggled with. Why would you do something that is wrong, was a question you asked me over and over again. Through endless drama, lots of tears, and repeated struggles – you finally found your footing, and stood strong for what was right, not bowing down to the popularity contest at school. You in fact, want to stay far away from the popular kids at school, and if not that, then not behave like they do. As much as I worry about what higher grades, and different schools will bring, this gives me peace that you will find your way and be stronger for it.

This past year has also been about you going deeper into a sport you love. You have always liked swimming, and had wanted to join a swim team for a while. The bottle neck was of course me. I did not know, if we as a family were ready for the time commitment it would require. One day you came back from school and asked me to search for ‘x’ swim team, call them and ask them if you could join. If you went that extra mile and found out about the place, well who was I to stop you. And so now we are a swim team family. You swim, I feel, non-stop. I sit, I feel, non-stop at the pool deck. As much as it gets too much for me inside the muggy pool sides, you love it so much. There is no time when given a chance you don’t want to go swim (or play in the water). Walking down the mall, sitting on the couch, while doing your homework – you suddenly break in to some stroke that you have been working on. You love to compete, swim meets are fun for you. You have times you want to improve and are so excited when you do make them, before of course moving the target forward a little.

Your love for books is going strong. You finish 500+ pages books in about a day, so yeah you read about a book a day. But more than all the books that you read, it is interesting to watch you re-reading parts of book. You always have a reason on why you went back to a certain part of a book, and your reasons are my ahaa or oh wow moments. It gives me great joy to watch you reaching for the classics as well. You current favorite is the “St. Clare’s” series by “Enid Blyton.” Apparently the “Malory Towers” series is good, but not as good as the “St. Clare’s.” That these books are set in a school, with issues between friends and other classmates, and how different people deal with them, and what their motives are, resonates deeply with you. Your biggest gripe though is that you don’t get presents, only books – books from tooth fairy (as you pointedly look at me), books on birthdays, books for Christmas. Listening you complain over and over again, I asked you to let me know what present you wanted for Christmas. You though and though, came up with a number of ideas, went over their pros and cons, and in the end decided on a couple of books you really wanted. I put my hands up in the air, and gave up.

Your one big love-hate relationship is with Skiing. You love to ski, you hate the cold, and the fact that Bugz is never cold, while you are freezing, upsets you no end. You are a confident skier, but are a caution one too. You stay watchful and go ahead where you feel confident, unlike a certain someone who goes full throttle and worries about the consequences latter. If we could sprinkle powder all over the mountains, but made them a balmy 50 degrees – you would be in heaven. This past year we have been to so many different ski resorts and you have enjoyed them all. From having waffles at the top of Whistler Mountain, to seeing -18 degrees at Jackson Hole; from skiing fluffy powder at Alta/Snowbird, to skiing under wast blue skies of Big Sky; from the fanciest ski lodges at Sun Valley to skiing 12 inches fresh snow at Squaw Valley; from skiing 45 degree steeps on our local mountain to skiing the volcano of Mt. Bachelor – You have cried from the cold, been bribed by promises of hot chocolate, you have kept going, and skied with speeds that I have given up any hope of catching you while on the slopes.

Over the past year, you and me have started our little talks. No more the little baby talks, but heart to hearts. Every time you are working on some emotional issues, you ask for my time. We find our little corner, some times in a quite room, most time it is the kitchen counter while I do meal prep. You lay out your thoughts in front of me. I give you a different perspective (sometimes), or advise from my experience, sometimes I just listen. We had a rocky start to this, because you thought I did not understand, but we are getting to understand, and that helps. Now every time a friend is in trouble, your biggest advise to them is to go talk to their mom. “Mom’s do understand, and have the best advise,” you tell them. Does my heart a world of good to be able to help, but most of all I cherish our talks and your time together. That you trust me, is my biggest gift.

You are tall, athletic, and beautiful inside and out. You are serious, focused, and laugh at the craziest places. You are sensitive, kind, and sometimes totally spaced out. You read non-stop, love to draw, and love to hear stories of the time when you were a baby. You swim, ski and are crazy about football. You love colored trousers, flippy sequin T-shirts, and sweatshirts with hoodies. You love mangoes, rasmalai, and banana ice-creams. You hate long ski lines, below freezing temperatures, and, Bugz bragging about not being cold. You hate peanut butter, caramel, and sweets with cinnamon in them. You can’t care about brushing your hair, go crazy brushing your teeth, and can’t dance with any kind of grace. Life is so amazing with you in it, and you are our joy. We watch you grow, and seeing you become this amazing person, gives us endless joy. Stay happy, stay healthy, stay you – Always!

Loads of love,
-Maa

Get Milk

D’s trip to a grocery store follows a general pattern –

Me: Can you head to the grocery store? We really need to and I am stuck with xyz right now.
D: Sure, can you make me a cup of tea before I leave?
Me: !!!!
D: OK OK, what do we need to get?
Me: *rattle out a list of things which are everyday grocery list for me* Onions, tomatoes, ginger, garlic, green chilies, eggs, milk..
D: What? I can’t remember all that! Can you write it down for me?
Me: *rather than argue, I quickly find a paper and pen and write it all down*

20 minutes later the phone rings.

D: I lost the list. I kept it in my pocket but can’t find it. Can you tell me what all I need to get?
Me: *goes over things again*
D: Wait, I can’t remember all this. Let me grab things from the veggi section and call you back!
Me: !!!!

Call after 5 mins

D: Do we need Penuts?
Me: No
D: How about juice?
Me: No
D: Oh oh I see yogurt?
Me: No! we make our own. Can you please stick to the list?

2 or 3 calls later, what is required is bought and paid for and I get a message saying, “Done, heading home!”

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All this is of course when he is going to the grocery store from home. Then there are times when I tell him to get something on his way from work.

6:15 P.M.
Me:  Can you get so and so on your way from work?
D: Sure!
Me: What time are you leaving?
D: 15 mins

6:40 P.M.
Me: Have you left yet?
D: Got stuck. Leaving in 5

7:00 P.M.
D: On my way
Me: Don’t forget to get so and so
D: Yeah!

7:30 P.M.
Garage door opens. The kids run down to greet him. There is general cheer everywhere. And it all comes to a stand still as soon as he sees my face.
D: Oh no! I forgot. I will go now and get it.
Me: Never mind! We will make do without it for today.

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I was out for a run when a car caught my eye. It had something written on the driver side windshield. As it came closer, I looked closely. In bold letters, with a red sharpie, it read – GET MILK!

I had to stop to take in the brilliance of it! It was practical and funny and perfect, all at the same time. Try and forget that one, dear husbands!

 

 

Fairies

Dear Buzz,

For over a year now you have waited for this day. You have asked endless questions, you have watched your friends closely, you have read books about it and you have been impatient for your turn to come. Kids in your class started out with the phenomena more than a year back and that is when your questions started. Last year just before PD mama’s wedding, I joked and told you to hold on till after the wedding and you took my word for it, but the wedding happened and days and months ticked on after and nothing. You counted out your friends in class and the numbers kept dwindling till you were the only one left and that is when you started pushing.

Pushing hard on your teeth – if you could, you would get those teeth moving by sheer dint of your will. Your friends lost two, four – some even as high as twelve teeth, but the school year came to an end and you did not even have a wiggly tooth. You were so very disappointed.

Adding to it was all the visits Tooth Fairies were making to your friends’ place and your constant struggle with the question, “Are Tooth Fairies real?” You argued – all the doors and windows are locked at night; magic is not real; only birds have wings and even they can’t come in through closed windows. “How can Tooth Fairies be real?” you kept asking. But you wanted them to be real so bad, and that is where you were stuck. With your logic, you came up with simplest of solutions, “if I have a present under my pillow when my tooth falls, then they are real otherwise they are not.” How your Paa and I smiled at it all.

After quite a few complains of pain in your lower front tooth, for over a month, they finally did start to wiggle noticeably last week. The excitement level went up multiple folds in our household. The only time you talked tentatively about your teeth falling was when it came to the Tooth Fairy. Oh yes the present, I remember sweetheart, so on a recent trip to a store when I came across books, I bought two and told you I needed to hand them over to someone special. Not one more question you asked. You smiled and walked away.

Today when I came to pick you up in the evening, you smiled to show me what was missing, and then ran off to show me your precious tooth. Apparently eating cherries did the trick (along with freaking out your teachers, since they could not tell whether it was blood or cherry juice).  Then the chatter moved on to the gift. Bugz, super excited at sleep time peeped, “Tooth Fairy will come today, Didi!” You smiled big and whispered in my ears, “You are the Tooth Fairy Mumma, but Bugz is so little that she does not know.”

Yes sweetheart, Bugz is little but you are growing to be so big and sometimes I miss my little girl. But but I love the big girl you are becoming. Your next big milestone is here and we are super excited for you. We also know the second tooth is going to fall any day now, so enjoy your special time which has come after such a long wait. As always, stay healthy, stay happy, stay you!

Love,
-Maa

Uncertainty..changes..tears..looking ahead

I was to start back at work when Bugz was six months old. The transition did not worry me as much as it did the first time around with Buzz, but decisions still needed to be made and we decided that we wanted her to stay at home for a little while more before she went to a daycare or school. We started looking for a nanny, talked to more than a few over the phone, met 4 in person. I can’t pinpoint on what/why we settled on the nanny we did, call it instinct, call it a feeling, but looking back I can only be thankful for it. The love and care Bugz gets from S is unmatched. Bugz said, Bugz did, Bugz wants – this is what I walk home to everyday. Every interest of hers is taken care of, every dislike preempted. As a parent, while your heart swells up with love for you child, it also gives an extra tight squeeze when you see an outpour of love for him/her from someone else. I have lived with this feeling for over two years now and I still can’t find the right words to tell S what she has done for us.

Change of course has to come and as unbelievable as it sounds, Bugz starts school soon. S was involved in the entire process of finding the right fit of school for Bugz, applications, acceptance letters and when things were in place she booked tickets back to her home town for a long overdue visit before she started her next nanny job. We have all known the dates for 6 months now but as the numbers come down to single digits, the heart sinks a little. I come home to S holding Bugz a little tighter, her eyes moist and promises of phone calls. I look the other way as I blink away the tears. Goodbye were never my strong suite for a reason.

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Buzz is coming to the end to her school year and with it comes the next set of changes. She will be moving to a different branch of her current school due to a few different reasons. From a small, cozy 5 class rooms, all in one hallway school, where everyone knows everyone else, she is moving to 3 floor, six hallway, big school.

Her current school has been amazing for her. She has played and laughed and danced and performed and kicked a ball and skipped over rocks. She has made art and collected jewels from the yard and made friends and shared her toys, she has found ways to express herself and has grown in confidence.

The fact that she is moving to different branch of the same school, helps calm me down. I know the main core of the school is the same, I have loved the various focus points of the school and I know that is not going to change. A couple of teachers and a lot of kids from Buzz’s class are moving as well, which will help with transition big time. In all I am fairly relaxed about the move, but the fact that I walk in to her class with teary eyed teachers upsets me. How do you thank teachers that get so attached to your kids? How do you find words for all they have done for your kids?

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Re-orgs happened at works a few months back and a new project came online. It seemed interesting and I signed up for it. It was exciting and new and a great learning experience. As I was getting in the rhythm of things next set of re-orgs happened. Since I was committed to the first set of work, I was asked to continue till the end of June after which I transition the work to someone else. The first part is set to release by the end of the month and as I spend a lot of hours finishing as much as I can, I also prepare handoff documents for the person unknown to take over. There is a part of me who wants to see it to the end, but the practical part tells me, learning is done so move on. The silver lining of course is that I will be coming back to my original team and they are counting days.

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Momentum is building – bye bye S, yearend performance, bye bye school, deliver on work, bye bye project and it all ends with us getting on a plane for a vacation in the sun.

After all the anxieties of June we will welcome July with open arms for it brings calm along. Buzz and Bugz will be going to the same school, I will have my old team back, things will find a way to settle down again. Till then the countdown is on – 17 days to the vacation we have all been looking forward to.

Smiles

– All my work backlog is done. There is still a lot to do but at least it is only my work that I need to do. Plus the project I am working on is new (to me), super high importance but more importantly very interesting. #LearningNewThingsAndExecutingWellOnThem

– Ski season is done and dusted. Snow is melting away to give way to flower filled meadows. Buzz has gotten used to lazy Sundays again. No longer does she demand to be taken to the mountains. #FreeTimeForAChild

– For two weekends straight we stayed at home. The house was cleaned from top to bottom. For every place I cleaned, the two helpers cleaned the same place twice over. #SparkelingCleanMessFreeHouse

– Buzz has half an hour swimming class every weekend. I started taking Bugz to the pool as well. Bugz loves water, a flotation device keeps her safe, I let her do as she pleases. There will be time for learning the skills, this is time to have fun. She loves to play in water but was scared to jump in while standing at the edge of the pool. It took me 3 or so weeks but the fear is no more. Now jumping in is the new favorite activity. She is in and out of the pool every 5 mins #JumpRightIn

– Buzz’s school had an art show recently. They save three art works for each child through the school year and then display it on a particular day. To see art done by your child, presented beautifully is an experience. Buzz loves art, she is forever drawing, coloring, creating but this year’s art show was an eye opener for me. The things she imagined and how well she executed on them. We redecorated her room with the new art she has been doing and the ones we got from school. #JoyOfCreativity

– Bugz was a miser when it came to kisses. My younger one not giving me kisses went against my right as a mother so I started working on it. “Bugz kissi,” became a mantra. Now we have it down pat. I get a kiss each on each cheek and so does she, after which we grin ear to ear. She continues to be a miser with everyone else, Paa included. #ProudMomMomentEvilMomMoment

– A friend recently had a baby. I was on standby all day Friday to drive her parents to the hospital as soon as the baby was born. I got the call at 5:15 in the evening, “baby is here!” I called D to pick up Buzz,  buckled Bugz in her car seat, drove to pick up Uncle and Aunty and then to the hospital. Besides the parents and the hospital staff, I was among the first ones to see the little guy. Adorable is the word. You forget how tiny and fragile they are and how absolutely precious. Bugz was besides herself going “chotta sa baby!” #HoldingPreciousnessInYourHands

– A trip has been planned, tickets have been booked. We are still a couple of months out but the excitement level is high at home. We can’t wait to get through the school year and then relax for a week before starting summer school. #DreamingOfSunSandAndBlueWaters

– I started running again. The ankle is almost all good and to test it further, I went for a run. Minor soreness and nothing else and so I started. I try running about 3 times a week, 40 mins, 3 miles. The muscles are sore, body asks what the heck am I doing, but I go on. #GoodSoreMusclePain

– D does not travel out of town as much any more. When he switched jobs early last year, it resulted in constant travelling for him. He was gone a couple times a week, every week. It took a toll on all of us. Buzz would have a meltdown every single day he was not home. “I miss Papa!” she would cry. Bugz would follow in tune of course. There was all the travelling for D and all the extra work for me. We were a total mess. Re-orgs, upper management decisions and crafty deflections (from his side) and he has only travelled a couple of times this year. #TogetherWeMakeAFamily

– Wedding preparations are in full swing in India. Every call made ends up in discussion of what the kids will be wearing, what I will be wearing (D no one cares about). Given how my tastes for India wear runs toward cotton which is a big no no for a wedding, but again given how no one is sure what I will like, there is constant talk but no end result. The latest is that I have told them, find me a tailor who is ready to do all the stitching in a week’s time and I will take care of the rest. #ExcitementOverAFamilyWeddingAfterYears

– Buzz can’t wait to go to India. Her demands are long and ever growing. “I want to eat paranthas everyday. Paneer paranthas are my favorite! I want mehndi on my hands! I want to wear a saree. Please can I wear bangles? Can I get holes in my ears? Will there be mithaa to eat?”. #FirstWeddingCelebrationForTheLittleOnes

 

Matru Ki Bijlee Ka Mandola

“Let’s go skiing on Saturday,” he said.
“I am done for the season,” she said.
“We will have fun! Come on,” he said.
“The day trip tires me out completely and I need some rest,” she said.

Back and forth, they went and a compromise was made. Weekend trip to the mountains, a place to stay the night, no TV, no internet.

“Deal!”
“Deal”

********

“Mandola! Me go mandola pe!”
“Gondola baby, Gondola!”
“Noooooo, madola!”

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The look in their eyes, the smile on their face, the bounce in their steps as they enter the Gondola, the chant of “Mandola..Mandola..Mandola!” which of course resulted in me singing the song and the two every excited kids asking their questions:

“What is Matru?”
“and Bijlee?”

Mandola, needs no explanation!

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The Gondola climbed up at a steady pace and Buzz finally looked around and saw the slope. Her face dropped immediately

“This is a big cliff. I will fall coming down.”
“We will come down an easier slope,” D told her with a smile.

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While Buzz and D did their trips up and down the mountain, Bugz and I build snow castle and snow car and snow bus and snowman, all while I took in the view and iced …errr snowed my backside (which I hurt in a fall down the stairs that morning)

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The evening was spend fighting over a place to sleep

“I want to sleep on the high bed,” she said.
“It does not have a protection bar, you will fall!” they said.
“I will not! I want to sleep up there,” she stubbornly repeated.

“Me sleep on baby bed,” she said.
“Yeah ‘me’ can sleep on baby bed,” they said.

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Finally Buzz did sleep on the top bunk of the bunk bed while we stuffed pillows around her.

Bugz, who wanted to sleep on the trundle bed was forced to sleep on the lower bunk of the bunk bed. And the trundle was left outside to catch either of them, if they fell.

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Somewhere in the middle of night, I woke up with a *puduk*. I looked up to see Bugz on the trundle but continuing to sleep. I poked D and he switched her back to the bunk bed.

Next was some *bump*.
“I did not fall, I did not fall! I jumped because I wanted to go to the restroom,” Buzz kept repeating as she ran off.

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Morning came with breakfast of eggs and pancakes and it was back up the Mandola. Back to singing, back to skiing, back to playing with snow and back to the amazing view.

 

 

Worries of a Dad

Buzz is tall for her age. A couple of inches above the next tallest person in her class tall, 97th percentile or greater in the growth chart for girls tall, a dress size above most kids her age tall. By all calculations and predictions she will be between 5.8 to 5.10 when she grows up, if not taller.

I was at a doctor’s office with Buzz today, where they measured her height and charted it against the national average. 97th percentile her doctor told me.

When D and I met for lunch and I told him the same. “So what did the doctor say? How can we stop her?”, he asked me.

I burst out laughing, of course.

Poor dad is so worried about her little girl growing so tall. “Please stop at 5.8”, he keeps telling her. “Please don’t hit the 6 feet mark”, he prays.

Bugz, who looks short in front of Buzz, is actually a couple of inches ahead of where Buzz was at this age. I wonder if I should bring this aspect of the little one to his notice? It could be interesting to see him freak out and his worry skyrocket!

I wonder, I wonder! *evil Comfy laughs*

My Dil goes hmmm

Chalte chale jindagi..
kabhi yoin he mud jati hei.
Jaate jaate..
koyi nayi si raah dikhla jati hei.

I walk around these days with a sense of joy. The day to day life remains but I don’t feel weighed down by it. Don’t know what changed, was it the family, is it the growing kids? I don’t know, but with change of the year, I have stepped in to a new part of my life. I feel light, I feel buoyant, I feel happy.

Wo gunjati hansi.
wo chote chote pal..
Wo gungunati baatein..
wo khushiyaan har pal

The kids had a blast together. Potty jokes where at their funniest. A bear, with cotton coming out of the back seams, was named Poo bear. Pooka is the new name for errrmmm.. fart. Every toy was made to sit on the pot, sounds made, eeewww shrieked and giggles plenty. Couple of hour long trips went arguing over which part of the pot was whose.

Then there was the first time on skies. The falling, the getting up, the being together in it all. And the best part about the whole ski class – hot chocolate. Cold, snow, bulky clothes – every thing was endured without a complain because there was that special cup of steaming hot coco at the end. There was standing on Paa’s skis, holding on to the poles, pretending to do all the work while Paa propelled then around Bunny slopes.

There was playing with Nana/Dada (which ever kid called him by whatever name), there was confusion over how he could be Nana and Dada at the same time, there was demands for books to be read, there was mastiyaan his style, there was getting away with asking for candy because he did not know the rules, there was snuggling in the blanket with him, there was calling dibs over who gets to sleep in the bed next to his. Indulgence has its own fun, after all.

Laakoin sawal..
sawaloin mein uljhe se jawaab.
Pakdo, chode, dhoondo..
sang mein peerote raho khawaab.

Buzz and her questions get more complicated every day. “Why is the rainbow shy?”, she asks. “How can you build a column under water without water running it over?”, comes next. “Why does the sky change color?” “So does water?” “What is reflection?” “Why do flowers not grow in winter?” “Why do Cherry Blossoms come for such a short time?” “Why is Mango seed so big while watermelon’s so small?” “Where are the strawberry seeds?” “Why can’t a car fly?” “Why does bad man hurt someone when he knows hurting is bad?” “Why do we have to sleep? It is so boring.” “Why are you not going to work today? We need money to go to India.” “My friend said, doctor cuts Mommy’s stomach to get the baby out. Why does the doctor want to hurt Mommy?” “Did the doctor cut your stomach to get me out?” “How did I get inside your stomach, Mumma?”

They never end. And I get better at creative answering every single day. It is a constant balance of telling the truth, but just enough that she would actually understand.

Heartbreaking as it is, homework is part of our daily life now. It comes every Monday and is due the next week. My little baby can read small small books on her own. ‘Jack and Jill and big dog Bill went up the hill’, she reads to me and my heart breaks in to small little pieces. I love reading books to the two of them. Soon that will be gone, I cry. And just when I am at the doorstep of despair, she snuggles up in my lap, hands me a book and says, “Read to me Mumma.”

She comes stands next to me and puts her hand on her head and then a little above my stomach. “I am this tall, Mumma. When I am 7, I will come up to your shoulders and then by 10 I will be taller than you.” I hug her tight and tell, not quite by 10 but by 13 for sure. It is all so amusing, she laughs and I laugh right alongside her.

“Can I sit in your lap, Mumma?”, she asks.
“Always!”, she parrots right along with me.
Hugs, kisses, I Love yous – my world is full of them. They come and they come all the time and I gather them all up, holding them close. And as we sit, holding on tight, she weaves her dreams about the future – her house right next doors to ours, how she will drive me around and cook for me, our sharing of clothes. College, work, her little dreams, so fun to hear, so very precious.

Chanchal gudiya..
uthti, baithti, naachti, gaati.
Chamkti aankein..
meeloin lambi baatein, sada khilkhilati.

Bugz, my little one, finally has a perfect name. Pataka, I call her and she gleefully smiles and says, “Me pataka.” Forever moving, never in one place, not predictable, anything can set her off – that is her, Pataka. Almost at the end of the day, when I am tired, she loves to sit on my lap, but sitting for her means sitting and getting off every 30 seconds. 10 mins in to it, I feel like I have been through the spin cycle of my washing machine. I hold her, I let her go, I pull her up, I help her down, I give her a blanket, I take off the blanket, I read to her, I give her milk, I keep them aside, I start over.

‘Me’ and ‘this’ are her favorite words. ‘Me’ for herself and ‘this’ for everyone else. Extra emphasis means saying these words twice. “Me me give dudhu.” “This this keep here.” The ‘r’ and ‘l’ sounds are coming to her but she still bungles them up, but ‘m’ and ‘n’ get interchanged all the time. Which is to say, ‘name’ becomes ‘mane’ in no time. Everyone names she screams out loud, but ask her Mumma’s name and she gives a shy smile and says “Me Mumma.”

My favorite thing to ask her is if something is ‘achha’ or ‘ganda’ (good or bad).
Didi?
Didi achha!
Didi thoda (little) achha, jyaada (a lot) achha?
Didi jada achha!
Bugz?
Me achha!
thoda accha, jyaada achha?
Me no jada achha, me thoda accha

Always without a fail and then when I look at her in mock horror, she giggles, literal he he he giggles and screams, “Me jada achha!”

Whatever Didi does, she has to do. Whatever Didi wants, she wants. Every toy is snatched, every action is copied, much to Didi’s dismay. When Didi sits with her homework, Bugz sits to draw circles in her book. She watches like a hawk as I get Didi ready after her bath and the minute Didi gets up she comes running to sit in my lap. If Didi wears her stockings, she has to wear hers. Party shoes are soon to follow and showed off to any and everyone. If Didi gets her hair in two ponytails, dare you not make two choti for her. Didi gives two kisses to Mumma, she will give double that amount. Not that Mumma is complaining at all!

Loud, assertive, lover of music, crazy about dancing, stickler for schedule, stubborn, affectionate, quick to anger, utterly adorable with kissable cheeks – that is her.

“This Didi me ka”, she tells us and we all agree without any argument. Who has the energy to argue, I ask?

Random Thoughts

• Buzz and Bugz are as different as chalk and cheese. One loves to take any/all medicines, the other absolutely refuses to open her mouth to take even a drop, even when down with fever. One takes forever to fall asleep, the other is up at the crack of dawn. One can’t even find things right in front of her nose, the other will find things that are not even needed for the time being.
• My body has gotten used to an almost full night of sleep all over again. Even a night without 6 hours of sleep and the headache comes down with a vengeance.
• Sorting through pictures from a trip a few months back, I have come to realize that D loves to take pictures in threes. 700+ pictures and only every fourth picture is different. If I were to make a set of three, each set would have difference in only a slight head tilt here, an eye flick there, everything else – same to same.
• Looking at same picture three times, so annoying! Especially when you are trying to sort them in some sort of unloadable order.
• I am not liking the new (now not so new?) changes to Picasaweb. In trying to simplify + unify their product integration, Google has made a things a lot more complicated.
• Now a question on the unifying front – why do the important features not work across applications when unifying is such a big deal? They used to before and don’t post all the work. What a mess!
• Need to find another alternative to Picasaweb!
• I hate social media. I am a social media recluse. There I said it. I, who could not handle FB, now am on Whatsapp! Something that I forget to check till someone sends me an email about!
• I have not updated my FB in years, I think. No pictures, no status, nothing. I like a few things here and there (few and far between) but can’t seem to get myself to let the world know what goes on in my head.
• The security settings in all these social media sites make me panic even more. Anyone can tag me for the world to see? The only thing I can do is not have them show up on my profile for my friends to see?
• Even when I learn to live with that, putting in settings that I think I am somewhat OK with, they go and change them is some way, shape or form and then there is a scramble to figure it all out, all over again!
• Despite my hesitation about social media , I have a public blog? I seriously need to get my head examined.
• I want to get back to running again. Ankle last 1%, get on with it please.
• There are almost no pictures of only Buzz and me. There are loads with me holding Bugz, but very few with Buzz. Will there be, ‘you loved her more’, in my future? God hope not!
• D, what the hell? There are like 10 pictures of the sleeping wolf! Like really?
• Bugz baby take some medicine and sleep please. It is good for both of our mental health.
• How can you notice Didi’s shwminshoot in the dark, while you are crying and get excited about that, I will never know.
• This is going to be another LOOOONNNGGGGG night, me thinks.
• Wonder what will happen first, the pictures getting uploaded or me getting some sleep? At the speed the uploading is happening, I will place my money on me getting some sleep. Imagine that!
• There seems to be so much time in the evenings when D is not in town. hmm need to think about this a little bit more 😛

Edited to Add: They now are showing random ads to posts on Wordpress? I foresaw it a couple of years back, so why does this upset me so?

They came, we had fun, they left

One particularly depressing day, I picked up my phone and called them. The minute they answered, I went on a rant, “It is summer, the kids are out of school, why can’t you come over, even if it for a few days”. The two of them totally shocked, calmed me down and asked me what was up. Like a petulant child, I kept repeating, “Just come”.

Plans were made, tickets were booked and days counted. Sheets were washed, beds were made and towels in place. The day of, Buzz asked me why there were not here yet. I explained that she had to go to sleep and she would wake up to them in the house. The innocence that she is wanted to go to bed at 7:00 itself. D left just as I was putting the kids to bed and then the wait started again. It took forever for the clock to strike 10:07 and the garage door finally opened and I rushed down to fall in their arms and hold on tight.

Laughs, talks, dinner and it was time to catch some sleep. Somewhere in the middle of the night Bugz got up and started screaming, “Mumma” and would not stop. Groggily I walked in to her room, to see her pointing to *her* sleeping and saying “Kon?” (who). Soon *her* and Buzz where up too and giggling excitedly. Love, sweet words, angry words, big eyes – all were used to finally get all three of them back to sleep.

6:00 in the morning saw the same story repeated and I gave up on any further sleep. Bugz was re-introduced to big didi. And then with the rest of the family as they woke up.

Once Bugz got to know them, big didi became Didi2 while Buzz stayed Didi. Mama was Papa. “Whose papa Bugz?”, came back with a prompt “Didi2”. Similarly Mami became Mumma and the adults were thoroughly confused every time she called out, “Mumma/Papa”, which means there was increasingly frustrated Bugz pulling at someone’s shirt. Bhaiya had to make do with finger points and “enh”, poor little baby.

There was showing off of the cousins at school, trips to various parks, amazing food, picnics, splashing around in the lakes, ferry rides and long drives. There was teasing, fights, tears, time outs and making up.

There was a night of sitting and remembering, sharing of worries, re-living the horrible months, missing Maa like crazy, tears, holding on, re-assurances, opening of private feelings, reminiscing childhood days, laughs, promises, care – all soaked in so much love.

There were 5 rakhees made and tied to the utter confusion of 4 little munchkins. There were fights over colors and frustration about not knowing how to tie them. There were huge smiles on all four faces once the rakhee were in place. There were showing off of little wrists.

There were the hugs good bye and as they left, I walked around the house as a lost soul. A week since they left and the house still feels empty. There are art projects that the kids did to be collected and put away. There are socks and T-shirts and books to be found in obscure corners of the house, that I gather and keep aside for the next trip.

Bhaiya and A – I miss you so very much.
Kids – Can’t wait to hold you all over again.
December – Please come quick.