We as humans are constantly judging others in one shape or form. But never is the judgment as vocal as when it comes to raising a child. Suddenly everyone has an opinion and nothing you do is the right thing to do. Being a new parent is difficult as is but to be constantly bombarded with suggestions, comments and big eyed ‘you really did that’ expressions gets too much to take.
So here are the suggestions I have heard till date (at least the ones I remember):
- Bath – ‘You should bathe the baby first thing in the morning. It refreshes the baby.’/’ Bath time should be just before bed time. This way baby sleeps more peacefully.’
- Massage – ‘You should massage your baby for at least a year. Simulates blood circulation, which results in stronger bones.’/’Massage is a waste of time. Does not help and takes too much effort.’
- Nursing – ‘Breastfeeding the baby for minimum a year is really beneficial for the baby. It strengthens their immune system and they fall sick less often.’/’Breastfeeding is a big propaganda done by some organization. Formula is just as beneficial with the added benefit of you not being tied down to the baby all times.’
- Feeding – ‘Feed carb rich food to the baby early in the day so that she has had time to digest them by the time she goes to bed.’/’Carb rich food take longer to digest and hence if feed just before going to bed baby sleeps longer stretch.’
- Toys – ‘Buy a lot of different kind/color of toys for the baby. This simulates the baby and expands their mental capacity.’/’Baby’s who play with toys, are not curious about their surroundings so don’t waste your money of them. Let the baby play by herself. This way she will explore her environment, thus expanding her mental capacity’.
- Cuddle – ‘Baby’s loves to be cuddled and held. This makes them feel secure, which results in happy, non fussy babies.’/’Cuddle baby too much and they get used to it. You will not get a moment of peace then. They will always want to be held and when they are not they will become super cranky.’
- Daycare – ‘Sending your baby to daycare is a recipe for disaster. They become insecure, rowdy and bullies.’/’Baby’s who go to daycare are well-adjusted, follow a schedule, disciplined, play well with other kids and know how to share toys, books etc.’
All of this in simple terms means that there are pro and cons to everything and me as a parent has to come up with a plan on what works for my baby and me. And sometimes if neither of the two extremes works, I take the middle ground. To be honest the suggestions I still take positively and listen to patiently, as they seem to be well-meaning, without malice. It’s the absolute conviction that their way is the only way to go and if you are not following that you are a bad parent, the judgment in their voice and eyes, that get’s me hoping mad. What worked for you may not work for me. I will ask for advice when I need to, but till then I need to do what I think is right for my baby. If I make mistakes they are mine to make and mine to learn from.
So please..please hold your judgments to yourself, because if not, you are letting yourselves open to being judged by me and I really don’t want to expend my time and energy on that when I have a shortage of both at the moment.