Na gile..na shikhwe

Kuch gile, kuch shikhwe..
Kuch sawal, kuch ankahein baatein.
Sab ka pitara liye..
Chale ja rahe thy aage.
Sochate thy poochainge kabhi..
Har eak gam ka hisaab lainge kabhi.

Khushiyoin se bhara wo bachhpan..
Khilkhilati si wo hansi..
Ghar ke aangan mein jhilmilaati kiranein..
Pyaar mein goote lagaate, bheege bheege hum..
Chote se thy gile..chote se shikhwe..
Chote se sawal, choti ankahein baatein.

Na hein wo haath..
Na he dekhti hei wo nigaahein..
Na aankhoin ke aage wo chehra..
Bas khulti band hoti palkein.
Kahaan hei gile, kahaan shikhwe..
Kahaan gaye sawal, kahaan ankahein baatein.

Yaadoin ke chalte, choti badi baatein..
Hansti, roti, ruthati, banti kahaani.
Na mol, na bhaaw..
Na tarazoo mein koyi hisaab.
Na gile, na shikhwe..
Na sawal, na jawab.

Journey..Friends..Introductions

When in a group, I find little need to say anything. When everyone is talking, I rather sit back and listen. Till I am not sure I have something that adds to the conversation, I mostly don’t say anything. I guess as per standard behavioral labels, one can say, from an introvert child, I grew in to an introvert adult.

This blog is probably one of the few truly out of charter things I have ever done. But true to nature I have tried to keep it as anonymous as I possibly can in the world of blogging. Birthdays, anniversaries, kids names, personal pictures – have never showed up here. When I started here it was with two aims, to write about kids as I see them. Pictures and videos capture the moment but don’t capture my feelings as a parent at those moments. Words, I thought, would be the best way to preserve and at some point look back at the feelings aspect of motherhood. The other was to capture my feelings about the various trips we took. Now 4+ years down the line and a very busy life later, a lot of what I started with has been left behind. That I have not been able to capture a fourth of what the kids do, has to be my biggest blogging regret. But this is life and I am rolling with the punches here.

On the other hand what I did not expect, when I did start the blog, was the human aspect of a public blog. The readers, the comments, the getting to know each other even if through posts, the connections, the shared joys and sorrows and most importantly the friends. What I did not expect were the emails when the blog goes silent or the hugs when I write something sad or personal messages when something touches the readers. What I did not expect was to become part of a group that cared so much, even about people they have never met.

In all these years I have been part of birthday surprises, wedding showers, baby showers, contests and so much more – all on the blog, all for people I have never met. But looking back it all started with one simple comment on my blog.

Hey! Can I have an email id where I can contact u? Urgent!

I did not know what to expect. Had I broken some unwritten blog rule? What it turned out to be was an invitation to join a surprise blog shower for a blogger I read. And hence started a lot of blog firsts for me. Blog shower (that turned in to blog showers), planning, laughing, chain email threads, first blog friends, first blog personal emails exchanged, first real introduction to the blogger community.

That first blog shower is very special to me, that first blogger who we celebrated the blog shower for is very special to me, those first few friends that I made are very special to me, the first few blogs I started to read are special to me, that first blogger who wrote that comment is very special to me.

One morning I woke up to my inbox bursting at the seams from emails from various bloggers, all with the same comment.

She deleted her blog!

She did? My first reaction was a selfish, ‘how could she’? How can she keep us away from the amazing writing of hers? And for what? My next reaction was to calm down and go directly to the source.

Life with its twists and turns, so many unknowns , so many changes and still true friends are the one who stand by us through it all. If there is one person I know, then she is the one who is rich in friends. She has walked hills and valleys with her friends and they have in turn held her hand when clouds surrounded her like never before. Today I  re-introduce her to every single person who wrote in, who read her, who wondered where she went, who worried about her, who cared.

Revs, you know you are special right? Your writing, your wit, your joy, your giving – it is all you. All part of who you are. Never ever give any of that up, not for anything. Stay happy, stay healthy, stay you!

Oh and keep writing. Always!

Now go people read the brilliance that she is 🙂

Big Sister..Little Sister

Last night Bugz was in her ‘throw-a-tantrum-at-every-turn’ mood. I tried calming her down, holding her, reasoning with her, to no avail. After she threw a glass of water on the floor in her ‘my-way-the-only-way’ fit, I walked her to the timeout corner.

Timeout is when the drama quotient increases exponentially in our house. Bugz cries, then screams (ear splitting screams) and then fake coughs in turns. I understand that these are all attention grabbing techniques and I ignore her for a bit. After a couple of minutes it is easy to calm her down and reason with her.

I’d had a very tough day yesterday and had a mild headache before Bugz started her antiques. Timeout and her screams – I lost it completely. All I wanted was for her to stop the drama, so I warned her to calm down else.. Now this else is where I have the most issue. Else what? Honestly nothing right? Timeouts are my last resort, she has no concept of privileges, she is too little to understand getting something as a reward for good behavior. So else what?

After a couple of warnings, at my wits end, I told her that I will leave her outside if she did not calm down. Bugz loves it outside, so my actual idea was to take her out for a small walk. All this in the hopes that she stop screaming.

As I started walking a screaming Bugz, out came Buzz running and screaming ‘No’. Tears in her eyes, her hand engulfing Bugz in a hug, ‘No, mumma! Don’t leave Bugz outside’.

Over and over she repeated the same thing as Bugz held on to her Didi while Didi made a case for her.

‘Bugz, sorry bollo! Sorry bollo’, she insisted.

Bugz did her part on point. Put her hands on her cheek and said, ‘Mumma soiee!’

My anger long forgotten, I had a smile on my face. It was so difficult to keep a straight face and say, ‘Fine’.

Bugz,
Little one, you have real special someone in your Didi. Hope you realize that as you grow up.

Buzz,
Sweetheart, your care, your love, your warmth flows through our house. You teach us how to be parents when we lose our way.

Dear little kids,
Seeing the two of you together is like an answer to a prayer. Your bond makes everything all right. You laugh and you play. You fight and you make up. You copy each other and you help each other. The two of you together are the best thing any parent can hope for. May this bond only grow stronger as you grow older. Stay healthy, stay happy, stay together. Always!

Love,
-Maa

The girl who cried wolf

Dear Bugz,

‘We parented our elder one as we wanted to. The younger one gets herself parented the way she wants to’, said a friend to me and I was stuck by how true that statement was for our family. Rules, instructions, discipline are for other people. They have nothing to do with you and no one can make you do anything you don’t want to. ‘Buzz clean up your toys’, I tell you. You look at me, smile, shrug and walk away. You want to go out, I keep telling you ‘finish your food and you can’, but you are set on going outside and nothing can move you. You run downstairs, you try to put on your shoes, you make so much noise that it is either give in or get a headache.

Your stubbornness and your ability to bring the house down with your screams, unbeatable combination I tell you. You are the first to snatch toys that you want to play with but if anyone so much as touched one of your toys, even when you are not playing with them, is greeted with a loud shout ‘No’ from you. ‘Book, book’, you scream and sit happily as I read to you, but the minute you lose interest, the noise you make and jumping around you do makes it almost impossible to finish reading the book for others who are listening. You love your ‘Pata’ (pasta) but others in the house who love pasta as much try even taking a bite out off of your plate, you scream and you scream.

You are also a stickler for schedule. If something in done a certain way once, it has to be done the same way always. Every morning I give Didi and you your gummy bear multi-vitamins. You used to get one of those while Didi got more. As you grew a little old your dosage went up to two and little one can I tell you how much time and effort it took me to get you to have two of those. And this is when you love gummy bears and look forward to them every day. You kept screaming ‘One, no two gum’, and handing the other one to either Didi or me. Cut to few days later, I tried giving you only one to see your reaction and you were on the ground screaming till you got your two ‘gum’.

You are becoming very independent these days. You want to do everything yourself. ‘Aape’ is your favorite word after ‘Me’. Brush, clothes, shoes, food – everything is met with ‘aape’ from your side. You need no help, till you need help but by then you are so frustrated that you are kicking and screaming all around.

Your choices are very distinct and you don’t shy away from voicing those. Jeans are your clothing of choice. If there is one in your closet then there is no wearing anything else for you. And if there is the one with the yellow flower at the bottom, dare anyone keep you away from wearing that one. ‘Flowaa pant’, you smile after you have it on and what a sight that is. The other piece of clothing that you love are the stockings. Pants and socks in one go and more importantly it signifies that you are going outside; what is not to love! And then no trip outside the house is complete without a trip to the park. How dare we return home without taking you to the park?

As I said, scream and shout are your weapons but when all that fails, you have your brahma-astra. Cry a little – no response. Scream – no response. Run around screaming – no response. Cough – no response. Throw up – there you go, now pay attention. Given all the acid reflux issues you had as a kid, may be throwing up is your natural response when you are too upset but you have learned over time that it gets you complete and utter focus from everyone around, so now a lot of times you force the issue. You actually start fake coughing, which turns in to true coughing and then comes the main deal. How are poor parents supposed to cope with something like that? But then you get what you want and are seen smiling a few minutes later.

There are moments aplenty when we are pure frustrated, at our wits end, not knowing what to do. Do you sense that too? Do you realize that you went too far? I sometimes feel that you do, because you come running, hands on your cheek and say, ‘Sooiieee! Mumma me sooiiee. Me acchaa’. You shower us with kisses and my personal favorite when you touch your cheek to mine and say ‘puchak’, not the sound but the word. Yes sweetheart you acchaa, you are good and we are good.

You have this big loud laugh, that makes everyone around laugh. You have your ‘oh’ when something happy happens around you, that makes everyone around you smile. You have your ‘me’ – ‘me mumma’, ‘me papa’, ‘me didi’, ‘me aunty’, that makes everyone around you agree with you.

You love to talk and want to talk in long sentences, but they don’t come easily to you. So you make your own way through them. ‘Me car, kldasjlk jklsdajksad jkdsajdsa jjlkasduu, mumma drive’, is how your regular sentence goes. You ensure that we pay full attention to what you are saying, pick up only the relevant words and reform the sentence to figure out what you are trying to say. And any delay in understanding and replying back is not met well from your side.

You love to be held, you can’t stay in a place for more than a couple of seconds. You love books, any more than a couple of seconds on any page is not acceptable. You love to go to the park, you don’t stay on any swing/slide for more than a few minutes. You cry and throw a tantrum, you are very quick to say sorry. You want to do everything your way, you copy Didi in everything she does. You don’t listen when I ask you to pick up your toys, you are the first one to come and help me when I empty the dishwasher. You are stubborn to the core, you get distracted easily. You are uniquely you and that is what makes you so special. A smile when things go your way. For everything else there is a scream!

We, your parents, get angry and frustrated and then turn in to a puddle of mush, all in a matter of seconds. This is you sweetheart, all you. And that is what I wish for you always – stay healthy, stay happy, stay you.

Loads of love,
-Maa

leaving you with your current favorite song or as you call it ‘Tiggge gana’

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E4Z_Hw0WPso%5D