Dil sambhal jaa jara

Dear Bugz,

As I look on you sleep peacefully, I think back to the time before you were born. Back then I used to think that having done it once I knew it all. There would be very little that I would not know how to handle. Well they do say every baby is different do they not? And how can there not be a challenge involved when there is a little human being in question? But I do wish the struggle and pain was solely for me and you would sail through. I am not saying it is easy for me. It is not. My shoulders, my neck, my back all hurt as I constantly hold you while trying to make you comfortable. I get excited if I so much as get 4-5 hours of sleep a day. But that you are not comfortable is what breaks my heart.

You got diagnosed with baby acid reflux when you were a couple of weeks old. It all started with me realizing that you would just toss and mourn after you were fed even after you had burped. You would keep gulping as if to keep things down and in the end you would spit up big time. Now Buzz never spit up, not once. I never understood the big deal about burp cloths and bibs till I had you. Going by the same yardstick I did not know what was normal and when to start getting worried. Was I being a paranoid parent or was there really an issue? Well Mom and paranoia go hand in hand and I am glad I followed through on my instinct. Visits to your pediatrician’s office, checkups, a few spit ups while we were there (one on Dr. H’s shoulder helped as well) and you were put on medication.

I find it ironical that while I had you inside I would not ingest any kind of medication if I could avoid it because it might harm you in some unknown way and now I religiously give you yours twice a day. Every single time I put those few drops in your mouth, I send out a prayer that there are no long term repercussions. I pray that by the time we hit the six month mark you are over this just as they tell me most babies do. I know I worry endlessly but as your Maa that is my job and so I try and do it well.

You seem more relaxed since we started the medication and I do the entire holding you upright for at least 30 mins after every feed day or night. We also got a wedge made for you, which honestly looks like a torture device. But all of these things combined seem to be helping you. You still spit up a lot but don’t look as uncomfortable. You don’t sleep for more than 40 or so minutes at a time and need to be held a lot but those are my cross to bear and I won’t complain about them. Till you get your rest and are happy we are good.

And you are happy are you not sweetheart? You smile your smile when we least expect. You kick and play when you are comfortable. You look so peaceful when I change your diaper as if a load has been taken off you. You love your bath time even though you are still iffy about the whole massage thing. You follow us around with your eyes. You grunt and make your annoyance knows when your didi troubles you by grabbing your foot or playing with your cap (while it is on your head) or stops your swing to give you a hug. You are gaining weight and growing in height. I watch you like a hawk and all these signs help calm me down.

You also seem to know me. You calm down instantly when I pick you up. You give me the puppy eye and pouty lip treatment when you want something and then cry out loud when your demands are not met. As I soothe you, you soothe me in your own special way. Buzz held me together, making me go on and you have helped me start my healing process. I was so scared of loving again, of tying myself with strings of bonds again. You entered my hurting heart without even trying and showed me that loving someone actually heals the wounds. That opening your heart wide rather than closing it off is the right way forward.

Now as I watch you sleep one of your rare peaceful sleeps knowing well that the clock is ticking and you will be up in minutes let me send out a wish that both of us heal and get better soon. After which, as I always say, stay happy, stay healthy. Always!

Loads of love,
-Maa

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77 thoughts on “Dil sambhal jaa jara

  1. Aww.. Poor little bugz baby !!!Get well soon!
    The worst thing for a mom to see is kids suffering isn’t it?
    She will get well soon Comfy!! Will pray for her and hugs to you !

  2. You know what, every post of yours is so touching and heartfelt that it brings tears to my eyes.. My heart melts whenever I read your posts… Bugz will surely be fine soon.. Hugs to you and the li’l baby.. Take care.. And you also try and get some rest, don’t burn yourself out!

    1. I read this line in my research saying why you need not worry “Before you know it, your fussy baby will be a teenager with a driver’s license, and then you’ll really have something to worry about!”

      Can we kick the person who wrote it?
      Hugs! Is this why you are sleep deprived? I really hope and pray that tiny Bugz recovers soon. Mmuah.

      1. aww look you are mad and I am laughing at it. It is true you know. A few months down the line when Bugz is over this we will laugh at it together OK? 🙂

        Hugs

  3. Oh this post somehow made me all emtional 😦
    The pains that a mother takes to bring up her child and then see ur child suffer realy hurts. I am sure Bugz will get soon.Hugs to you and your babies 🙂
    Take care dear!!!

  4. Hugs Comfy, I am sure lil Bugz will be fine soon! I can kinda understand the trouble you’re going through, a bit through experience, and a lot through Dr. Internet and the reading I’ve been doing!
    i am sure you both will start feeling pretty awesome soon! 🙂

    1. DI hope Baby Zo is doing fine and not having issues like these. Dr Internet is a mixed bag, sometimes it is awesome and sometimes it scares you like anything.

      How are you holding up?

  5. Hugs Comfy, I understand what you are going through…munchkin was also diagnosed with acid reflux, her diagnosis came little late as there were no spit ups..hers was silent reflux..that came with only screams….

    I know it breaks heart to see the little one in pain 😦

    my daughter outgrew her reflux by 7-8 months (much before that actually – when solids started, her dose decreased)..now she is not on medication….

    I would pray that Bugz outgrows her reflux as soon as possible…take care comfy and lots of love to Bugz darling…

    1. Oh God! You guys must have had such a hard time. It is not easy for me, I can imagine what you must have gone through. Hugs hugs, loads of them.

      I am so glad she is fine now 🙂

  6. loads of love to maa and bugz. stay happy and healthy, you two(you can collect your royalty fee, everytime i read something close to this, i think of you only)

    and grr. you are always wise. hmpf.

  7. Loads of hugs and I so wish she feels better soon! Take care and luv to both of u, oh to Buzz too .. she might kill me for this comment when she grows up otherwise!:)

  8. Awww! as usual I am late to comment…but Bugz darling..this masi of yours will always be late…but love you darling..hope you get well soon..waise after you get well also, do remember to show your maa what spitting is all about 😉

    Hugs Comfy…am sure Bugz will be fine soon

  9. Such a heart warming post Comfy….every time succeed tugging at those heart strings meant for babies and things they do to you.

    Beautiful selection of words 🙂

    Baby acid reflex does go away in few months, have witnessed some. So, it IS temporary..Bugz will be just perfectly fine as she grows up.

    Much love and best of wishes for happier healthier days ahead – to Bugz as well as you

    And yes, special kissed and hugs to Buzz too! 🙂

  10. Errr… i missed seeing this post… Hope the little angel and the momma angel are doing fine… before we know, kids turn 10:) don’t worry momma dear.. Buzz hai na.. to take care of you two:)

  11. Hi Comfy,

    Been typing comments here but somehow its not going through from work.

    I know Im late but still-I hope Bugz is feeling a lot more better-and in turn so are you. I can maybe relate to what you’re feeling – the heartache of watching a little one suffer and there isnt much that one can do 😦 – Chutku had severe colic for the first 3 months and it was a horrible time…

    Im sure things will get better soon… Just hang in there. Best wishes and HUGS to Buzz,Bugs and their Mamma…

  12. Oh my God! I have been away way too long! Sorry about that and many many many congratulations! And I hope Bugz is better now. Just recovered from a round of illness ourselves and I know how hard it can be. Hugs.

  13. brought tears to me “Buzz held me together, making me go on and you have helped me start my healing process. I was so scared of loving again, of tying myself with strings of bonds again. You entered my hurting heart without even trying and showed me that loving someone actually heals the wounds. That opening your heart wide rather than closing it off is the right way forward.”

    1. Chirpy had colic in her first three months and initially I was worried in similar manner…the worst thing that hurts us is we are just not able to do anything,beyond certain level for these tiny babies and the fact that they are totally dependent on us make us feel bad and guilty too sometimes!!!

      but you’ve held me so well when I had so many doubts in my mind while carrying Chirpy..you’re so strong and a great mother,I’m telling you!! You’ll fair well this time too and Bugz baby will be out of this reflux circle pretty soon,I’m sure 🙂

      love to all you 3 pretty babies 😉

      1. Oh I never knew Chirpy had colic. I am glad she is OK now.

        I am not strong. I have broken down so often these past few months that strong is the last word I would use for myself.

        Thanks for all the love 🙂

  14. Bugz will be fine Comfy. But its definitely tough for us to see the kids suffer… for any amount of time. We had this tough time with Adi too. The only solace is that we know it’ll end. Hope she’ll be fine soon!

    Loved the last but one para.. so touching..so very true.
    Love to Buzz n Bugz. Hugs to you 🙂

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