RULES OF THE LAND:
1. If something is done a certain way, it has to be done the exact same way every single time. Any form of diversion, big or small, is not allowed.
2. If I like something, I grab it. Anyone, kid or adult, hurt in the process is irrelevant. Hair clips can be pulled out of the hair of random kids in the park, toys can be pulled out of everyone’s hand at home and outside.
3. Anything I can lay my hands on is a play thing. If you don’t want it to be used as a plaything keep it out of sight and height.
4. Any slight hurt/bump/nick/fall is a huge deal. You better dance to my tunes till I am satisfied with the attention I get and move on to other things before you can move on to other things.
5. When I call, you better show your face pronto. Else get ready to be called at increasing decibels every other second.
6. When I say ‘Poo’ no matter time of day or night come and take me to the pot and sit with me as long as feel like hanging out there. That I already went in my diaper holds no meaning.
7. When at a park, don’t dare say “let’s go back”. You can try and force me to, but you will have to catch me first for that and carry me kicking and screaming and then there is always the strapping me in the car seat bit which is impossible when I am wiggling and jumping. Save your energy and just let me play.
8. Milk is your best friend, the only way you can calm me down so keep it handy at all times.
9. Sharing is not in my dictionary, give up already and live in peace.
10. I wear the pants in the family, or am trying my best to wear them on my own. That I put both my legs in the same side is no laughing matter. I am serious about this and ‘NO’, you cannot help.
11. I win every fight, Didi notwithstanding.