There is so much I want to say to you, so much I want to capture about you but I get caught up in my day to day chores and the little things you do get left behind. I try and keep a mental note and tell myself I will get to it but again I never seem to. Today I was looking at some old pictures and they looked all wrong for some reason. It took me a while to figure out that they looked wrong because you were not in them, which made me go find a picture of me on my birthday from last year. I have part of my hair tied back, a smile on my face, standing outside your Paa’s and mine favorite restaurant and there is a hint of you. That was the time when you were only mine. I was all you needed and I was the only one who could feel you move. Then I looked at a picture of you the day you were born, so small yet so perfect, looking at the world with your gray/green baby eyes.
I know, you are growing bigger every single day but the pictures truly bring home just how much you have grown. Unlike with your Didi, I don’t even remover your old clothes from your closet because it keeps the illusion alive for me that you are still little, that you still can fit in those clothes if only I put them on you. There is a part of me which would love to be an Ostrich and burry my head in the sand and refuse to see how big you have become, but the practical side of me almost always overpowers the mushy part of me. So today I write to you as you are, the talking, screaming, smiling, tantrum throwing you.
I have to be honest here; you were the most neglected member of our family for a little while. All you needed was to be fed, changed and you slept your day away. Then one day, you found your voice. Nothing has been the same since. You have a voice and by that I mean you have A VOICE. Loud, that is what you are. One sound of ‘anhei’ is all you could make for the longest time but how you scared everyone around you with it. And then you love to scream. No, you are not the neglected member of the family any more. You ensure that you never are.
Then there are these fights you get in to with your Didi. Your push her, pull toys from her and don’t let go, pull her hair and scream on top of it all. Your poor Didi looks on, tries to hold you off, finally gives up and comes running to me or Paa. You one the other hand don’t give up. Your grip is so strong that even I have trouble getting things out of your little hands. Your Paa under estimated you once and you showed him by carrying his precious laptop and almost throwing it down the stairs. He has never left his laptop unattended since.
You love to climb the stairs and have even figured out how to make your way down. You love love love the dishwasher. I try and open it with so much stealth but you know the minute it opens and are seen climbing in to it before I can even blink my eyes. Your favorite toy to play with is a spoon and a bowl. You love long ropes/ribbons but get entangled in them. Then it is time to cry because you want to get out, but don’t want to let go. It is some task to get you to let go of them. You know our daily routine and are seen doing your part without any prompting. You love your Didi’s room and always laugh as you run up to her bed and fall on it. Cheerios, Milk, fruits, yogurt are your favorites. Cheese and savory stuff not so much.
In all your likes and dislike and personality traits, your drama element is what stands out the most to me. There is the sitting down and putting your head on the floor. Then there is laying on your back and moving your head in denial. There is also the scream in disapproval. And there is also the fake, almost tears in the eyes. Permutations and combinations of these are seen multiple times a day but especially when one of us goes out leaving you behind. You love to be out and hate when one of us leaves without you.
You follow your Didi all around the house. You have your biggest smiles and loudest laughs for her. You understand the games she plays and wait your turn for the ball to come to you. She throws something high in the air, you laugh, go pick it up, hand it back to her and the game goes on. You love to break the lego houses she builds. You give out a happy scream every time you spot her in the playground. You chase after soap bubbles just because she does it. You happily sit in your high chair pretending to eat till she is sitting next to you. The minute she is up, you want out of your chair as well.
Your Paa and I have been through raising a kid before you and we always figured things would not be as difficult as they were the first time. Then you came around and taught us just how different you are from your Didi. You need more attention and demand it. There is very rarely playing by yourself. You love to be held and cuddled and can happily sit in our laps for minutes. You are a super light sleeper and wake up with any sound but then again you already sleep through the night. 10 hours straight. Things your Didi never did.
Buzz and you mess up our world, shake it up and make it perfect. Stressful, super hectic, no time for anything, but perfect. Your smile charms us out of our bad mood. Your sitting in our lap calms us down. Your screams makes us long for ear plugs. If there is one character trait of yours that stands out for now, it is your stubbornness. And I have always been called a bull head, which means we will lock horns a lot in the years to come. But through it all, I wish for you to stay healthy, stay happy, stay you. The rest we will sort out.
Loads of love,
Leaving you with your Didi’s fav. song these days..
..to kyoin na karein khul ke hum isko pyaar