Month: August 2010

What happens.. us as we grow up

What happens to the translucent, blemish free, softest of soft skin.

What happens to silky soft, shiny, beautiful hair.

What happens to the clear, bright, brimming with mischief eyes.

What happens to the abundant, heartfelt, deep from the soul laughter.

What happens to our deep, unquestioning, abiding trust in someone.

What happens to the confidence to demand the love which is our due.

What happens to the ability to show pain when hurt.

What happens to forget and forgive and let go.


Back in the day, when you were bone tired, you would plop on the bed as soon as you got home and would not even move a muscle after.

Cut to present. As soon you get home, you run (yeah yeah as fast as one can run on tired legs) to the kitchen..make dinner while D gives Buzz a bath..jump along with her to get her to eat as she jumps from one toy to another, because after the day she has had she is in no mood to sit in her chair and eat..hold on to her sippy cup for her as she drinks her milk because she is too busy playing with her spoon and cup..sit next to her crib through ‘nahein nini’, ‘aaaall daaan’, ‘nahien mumaa’ with her wanting you to rub both her hands and both her feet at the same time.

Motherhood I tell you is a payback for all the time you slacked off and lazed around. So all you ladies out there without kids, chalk down as many diva moments as you can right now. There are none for you in the future. For all of you with kids..well too bad, you had kids before you read this.

You fall on the bed and are so tired you don’t even have the energy to change sides. You stay just the way you fell for long hours called sleep. In the quite of night you hear a cry for Maa. You get us..stand at the crib soothing a crying child..while the hours (mins??) drag on. Finally you crawl back to bed with your aching limbs, frozen in position unable to move.

Travel Thursday – Angles Landing

1500 feet elevation gain in 2.5 miles. That should be easy. D and I smiled and left the hike for the last day at Zion National Park. Allocating about two and a half hours for it, before making our way out of Zion the same afternoon. Got up early. Packed up. Checkout of the hotel. Placed everything in the car. Took the bus to the base of Angles Landing. Started the hike around 9:00 A.M.
Zion valley looked amazing with every step we took, with meandering Virgin River and the curving national park road surrounded by beautiful Zion rock faces. The paved hike with steep switchbacks in places was not too difficult.  
View about 15 mins in to the hike
We made easy work of the first two miles. Smug smiles on our faces we stepped out of the last switch-back. Angles Landing laughed at us. The first look at the last half a mile had me shaking in my boots.
Last 1/2 Mile
Which did not even come close to what I was feeling as I walked the said last half a mile. Holding on to the chains for dear life. Less than a feet of rock with chains and 1000 feet of fall on both sides. All smugness left me. I kept walking. The aim, to get to the top without slipping.
Hold on
Having measured every step we took and watching out for where every foot went we finally made it to the top. Zion valley never looked more beautiful.
View from the top
With height adding new dimension to everything. And opening up new hidden rock formations.
The other direction
Having basked in the glorious view we turned around to head back. And it hit us all over again. Oh the first half a mile. The trail from where the easy paved part of the hike started shining like a beacon.
Spot the trail
It was ‘take a deep breath and hold on for dear life’ time again.
Here we go again

A hike like no other. A view like no other. Would we do it again. Hell yeah.

Live and learn

Miss Rays seems to think that teaching is not a new learning experience everyday and hence wants to know what I want to learn. Err..who said I want to learn anything 😳 Me?? Me?? Seriously?? 😯 Naaaa..I know everything I need to know. I am done with all the learning business 😛 😛

  • CPR: I always have thought that CPR was an important thing to learn but have not gotten around to it. Then one day a certain e-Akka of Buzz asked me what I would do if Buzz fell and hurt herself. I found myself with no answers. As she went on to explain what, how, when of things I should do, it hit home hard that I need to do this and do it quick. D knowing CPR gives me some breathing room but that does not excuse my not knowing the how’s of CPR.
  • Photography: I love to take pictures but I am self-taught and know I can do a lot better. Beautiful pictures capture my interest like no other and I would love to one day have the knowhow to be able to click pictures with proper filters, light, aperture and whatever else is required.
  • Animation Design: In my mind animations are a perfect blend of creativity and technology and would love to explore the field to see the images and stories in my head come alive as talking, moving somethings on a computer screen.
  • Painting: Besides from learning the basics of water painting in school I have never had any formal training in it. I dabble in water paints and acrylics when the whim strikes but lose patience when things start to go wrong. Would love to learn the right technique or even try out oil paints. To be able to pick up a blank canvas and be able to render something beautiful would be an amazing high.
  • Juggling: I have horrible hand-eye coordination. I suck big time at sports for the same reason. And so it follows that I can never get past juggling more than two objects. But watching people juggle 3 or more objects is fascinating and I love to dream that one day I will get it. If there is a trick to it and you know and are willing to share, I am all ears. Please pass on all information. But do keep in mind the hand-eye coordination challenged me 😐 so keep it simple 😛
  • Perfect Makeup: Fact – I can’t apply makeup. Fact – The only thing I can do is dab lipstick on my lips. Fact – I can’t even get the eyeliner to go along the curve of my eyelids in consistent thickness. Not that I miss it much or mind that I can’t but when I see a woman with just the right makeup pass by, I wish I knew how, for those special occasions. Which haven’t shown up yet..or if they have I missed them completely..but I would love to have the knowhow if I am ever faced with them..special occasions I mean.
  • Snowboarding: I can ski and have the confidence to come down a blue slope with ease. Have heard that snowboarding is a lot of fun..and they can sit on their butt whenever the fancy strikes..and they have way cooler clothes than skiers..and look way too cool coming down a hill. What I can’t have shallow reasons to want to learn something??
  • Start a campfire: I know the theory of it. Have seen D do it enough number of times to know the how’s of it. But have never done it. And have always wanted to. hmm maybe will put a check in front of this one the next time we are out camping.
  • Make a fancy dish: You know those dishes they show on TV which has ingredients you have never heard of and a dash of red wine at the very end? Yeah I would love to learn to cook one of those. Why you ask? Remember the coolness factor above? Yeah same same. How cool would it be to serve a dish which looks fancy, has a fancy name, and has fancy ingredients. Taste..err you really care about that??
  • Sense of humor: Sigh if only you could learn that from someone/someplace. I guess I shall have to be happy with I have 😐

Sheess Miss Rays see what you did. Now I really will have to go do some learning. Let me pass along the pain..err same to..oh wait you did not leave anyone for me to tag.. 😥

I tag AHKPinsAndAshes, Priya, Rani and Varsh. Let’s hear it from you ladies, what goes on your list of things to learn.


Every time Buzz gets up during the night, I go and put her back to sleep. When she is finally up for the day, D goes and gets her to our bed where she plays between the two of us, giving us hugs, demanding her quota of kisses to start the day, laughing, drinking her milk. Till a few days back she would always call out to me whenever she got up. Day before yesterday onwards, when she is finally up..ready to face the day, we hear a faint Papa. Which then grows in volume till Paa goes and gets her to our bed.


I tell her ‘Challo Nana Nani se baat kar ke aate hein’.

I start to make my way upstairs to where the phone is kept, only to look back as Buzz screams. She is holding my HEAVY laptop. I run to take it from her, scared that she will drop it on her feet and hurt herself. As I put the laptop down and walk towards the stairs again, Buzz points to the laptop and keeps repeating ‘Nana Nani’. Well she is right. Nana Nani show up in that thing as far as she is concerned. Either as Pictures or during video chats 🙂


D is late coming home from work. The minute he opens the door, Buzz goes running to him (think Bollywood movies..think actress running towards the hero..think hero on his knees hands out open..yeah same same) for a hug. Once the hug is done she promptly makes her way to the door where all our shoes are kept. Keeps pointing to the door and keeps repeating Sheees (aka Shoes). Well serves D right to have taken her out a couple of times soon after he came home. Now do it every time 😛


Buzz’s favorite song at day care is Slippery Fish which is sung using actions for various kinds of sea animals in the song. Now every time she sees a picture of an Octopus she starts making the hand symbol for an Octopus as taught to her for the song. Keeps at it till I start singing the song. Just when I get to ‘Gulp, Gulp, Gulp’ her hands are on her face and she says ‘Oh No’ with a big smile on her face.


We head to the beach. Open a chair we are carrying and sit Buzz down on it. Move on to opening the other two chairs. She sees one of the chair being opened and keeps pointing to it. That is the chair she wants to sit in. Why, because that is the one she sat on the last time we were at the beach. Once on that chair she stands up with her back towards the back of the chair and tries to push on the chair. Why, because she fell from it, chair and all, the same way last time. And that was sooo much fun, once she got over her initial shock.


A picture of a baby in the book we are reading. Buzz says ‘Baby’. Starts to look around. Looks at me with questioning eyes and says ‘Mami’. Because to her Mami and baby are close together. Found around each other. Always. 🙂


The past month or so has seen a lot of change in Buzz. She seems to be remembering a lot of things. Making a lot more associations. Logic seems to have come in to the picture as well. Sigh is she growing up way to fast. And as much as I enjoy everything she does, a part of me is missing what she used to do..a whole lot. Life..

Magic wand called time..

Dear Buzz,

You cried again at drop off today after forever. I gave you a hug, smiled, blew kisses at you and walked out. Such a familiar scene from those early months when you first started going to daycare. What was different was what came after. There were no tears in my eyes as I got in to the car and drove off. There was no frown on my brows. There were no worrying thoughts. That is what has changed.

The change of course comes from you. You are who we take our cues from. The child who used to start crying the minute we entered the daycare parking lot now starts to say b-bye even before we get to the parking lot. The child who we used to hand-off to the teacher legs kicking, arms flaying now walks in the class on her own, enters the room, arms out wide, big smile on her face, as if announcing ‘I am here. I made it. Did you miss me?’. The child who used to stand at the door all day long waiting for Maa to come pick her up is seen running around all over her class playing, dancing, singing, reading, talking. The child who used to cling to her teachers if there was ever a need to shuffle kids between the other class is now the first one who wants to go to the other class, what with there being new toys there to play with. The child who would not let me go, now looks at me with big eyes and moves her head with an expression on her face which seems to say, ‘Leave already. Let me get on with playing with my friends’, if I linger too long. The child who used to have big tears running down her cheeks now is known in her class for the most contagious laugh which makes everyone laugh with her.

Those are the cues I have taken from you. There was a time when I used to come to work guilt ridden, crying, ranting, unreasonable, unhappy. Take all my worry out on a few caring souls who listened to my endless self-pity sessions, held on to me, helped me get through that difficult time (Did I ever thank you gals? I think not. So let me say it now ‘Thank You. You mean a lot to me’). Now even when on an off day you cry during drop-off I come to work knowing you would have been fine by the time I left the parking lot. I know you would be happily sitting in your teachers lap listening to ‘Slippery fish’. I know you would be fighting with some kid over a toy and not care about the fight 5 mins after. And knowing all this gives me the confidence to walk out of the daycare without the heaviness in my heart.

Time has done its magic. Made us move forward, where that tough time is just a memory. Something you don’t remember. Something that does not hurt me, now looking back. Keep your laugh, just the way you currently do. Keep your arms wide open for that hug from your teachers as you walk in to the room, just as you currently do. Stay happy. Stay healthy. Always.

Loads of love,

Big Deal

Not sure if it really is as big a deal as am I making it out to be..but for me it is huge. Probably the biggest milestone since Buzz took her first step.

Tonight as I was putting her to sleep, she said:

Mumaa nahin nini

Buzz has been talking up a storm lately and as I found out during our vacation, she speaks even more words than I knew, since she picked them up at daycare and never used them at home. But what makes today special is that she spoke her first complete sentence. Not words here and there but stringing a few words together in a way that they made sense.

So what if she was saying, she did not want to sleep. So what if she kept on at it till her eyes refused to stay open. So what if she was fighting sleep. So what if she forced herself to get up after she had been asleep for a few minutes to shorten her sentence to:

Nahin nini

This is a huge deal for me. I can’t stop smiling, even though it has been a couple of hours since sleep finally took over for her. Today I am celebrating..err no you don’t get to ask with what, since I have been thinking about the how and where for the past hour and can’t come up with anything.. And no I will not let that bring me down. I am happy happy. That is what counts.

Aah 3 little words how I love thee