Learning as I go

Little Finger tagged me on the 5 lessons of life that being a Mom has taught me.

I have always said that being a parent is not easy. It is a lot of work but it is also very rewarding. One smile, one uttered Mumma, one hug can heal a day’s worth of wounds. As I walk down this journey here are the things that stand out the most as the learning from the road travelled thus far:

1. Judging parents: Till I had Buzz it was very easy for me to judge other parents based on how their kids behaved, the kind of food they ate, the time they went to sleep. But once I became a parent realization came that there is no good parent/bad parent. We are all doing the best we can for our kids in a way that works for us. I might not agree with the parenting style of someone but that is their way and just as I have to follow my way, they need to follow there’s. I stopped judging parents and have realized that with time it is flowing in to other aspects of my life. I give everyone a longer rope for their actions rather than making snap judgments about anyone.

2. Kind of mother: We all have an image in our heads of the kind of person we are. And then life happens and we see what we really are. Along with this image, I also had an image of the kind of mother I would be. Motherhood turned that image on its head. I am not even a quarter of my image of myself as a Mom. I make a lot of mistakes, I get angry, I get frustrated, I want to give up at times. All this is followed by me getting upset at myself. I have learned I am nowhere close to being perfect as a human being or as a Mom and that it is ok to make mistakes and it is ok to forgive myself even when I make the same mistakes in some shape or form over and over again.

3. Unconditional love: Cliché as it may sound, I have really truly learned the meaning of unconditional love. With my friends and D and even my parents the grownup mind plays games when I am angry and it takes me time to let go of my anger when things go wrong. Buzz on the other hand cries buckets, throws a fit, flings herself on the ground but the minute all of it is done she comes running because she wants to be held. For her we are the ultimate comfort providers, the ones who soothe away all the hurt. And when she nestles in my lap with her head against my chest, all the anger seeps away leaving behind only love. Unconditional, without any strings.

4. Giving space: As a Mom it is easy to be swept away in the river of guilt because it shows up at every turn ready to take you in. And I have learned that it is ok to take some time off for myself, to give myself some space. It is ok to send Buzz to daycare when I take a day off because it keeps me sane. It makes me relax and be a better Mom to her when she is at home. It helps me heal from my hurts and pains so that I can spend quality time with her when she is around. It reminds me that I have a persona other than being a Mom and it needs to be nurtured too, because at some point I will have to let Buzz go and I don’t want to be an empty shell when that happens.

5. Competition: I never realized how soon competition comes in to play with kids. Not from the kids side but amongst the mothers. It starts with my baby started rolling over at 3 months, has yours started yet? Moves on to when they start to sit, crawl, walk, talk and the comparison never end. Then there is the need to impress others that we are better moms, so there is ‘I take my baby to the park everyday’, ‘I cook fresh food for him/her everyday’, ‘I take her/him to this and this and this class twice a week’. And others follow suit listing out what all they do. After a while if you stop and look you realize you are putting extra pressure on yourself as a Mom, no one else really cares what you are doing for your kid or the milestone your kid has reached. And even more importantly the kid does not care. They are going at their pace and till they are happy and healthy why stress out? I was there in the rat race for the award of the best Mom for a while till I realize it was not worth it. In fact I was putting extra pressure on myself and on Buzz at this tender an age to compete about something which was not even important. I learned to take a step back. I still get sucked in once a while but awareness comes more and more quickly these days for me to back up just in time.

Learning of parenthood will go on but till then I have to tag 5 Moms.

AHK – because I bet she will have some fun things to say (if she finds the time to write about them).

Scribby – as a new Mom, I am sure her lessons are endless.

Uma – with her experience I bet we will all have something to learn.

Ambuli’s Amma – we have to welcome her back from the heat of India in style right?

Sakshi – what better way to get her out of her blog slumber and because I can guarantee she will crack us all up with her learnings. 😀

 Take it away ladies. 🙂

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35 thoughts on “Learning as I go

    1. We change with every new direction life takes us in. Having a baby is one of the biggest direction changes in life. So yeah we change a whole lot once that little kids comes in to our world. 🙂

  1. Comfy, I was nodding to myself to each and every point. I am so with you on 2,3,4 and 5..except 1, but I trying to be more understanding. I had a very good image of myself(as a mother) when I was married and I am no where near that perfect picture of ma.

    I loved your ‘mommyhood lessons’ of all the blogs that I read until now.

  2. Interesting lessons learnt Comfy! The competition thing I’ve heard from other parents as well. At my book club, there are two women with kids and they were also saying how no one wants to admit they are tired or having difficulties with things such as breastfeeding or baby not sleeping well and stuff like that. The ideal of a perfect mother continues to be out there and sadly, more and more new mothers struggle with post-natal depression as a result of wondering whether they are the only ones with difficulties!

    1. The idea of a perfect mother seems to be getting bigger every year. I think we are adding to the pressure on the new mom by constantly bragging about the things we do do without ever talking about the mistakes we make or the struggles we go to. Which becomes a vicious cycle. Others try and match that and brag about more things which we try to match next. Super crazy I tell you.

  3. I absolutely love this tag for the simple reason,it has made some of the mommies of the blog-world whom I adore(including you Comfy);share their heart-felt secrets in a way that has changed the way my preparing-to-be-mommy mind is getting ready for life in a way it really is 😀 😀
    Loved every bit of this post!!!

    1. The best advice I can give you, CB, is to enter motherhood with no pre-conceived notions. Every kid is different and issues faced by every mother are different. Go in and figure out what your baby needs and how you need to handle it.

      All the very best. 🙂

  4. Comfy, you wrote exactly what I thought I would (I didnt because I cant write as well as you) but awesome babes..especially the time for yourself and the competition…I dread it when moms compare..my child will grow at her pace thank you very much..no she cant read a,b,c,d and can count only till 10..but boss she is only 3..can you please give her a break

    there rant over..felt better..thanks comfy 🙂

    1. What you wrote was perfect and funny and so very true. But thank you for your kind words.

      When Moms start to compare kids, I get very uncomfortable. I don’t want that for Buzz. I want her to learn her strength and weaknesses without using what others think of something as a yardstick.

  5. lot of learning for me here 🙂 and things that I’m already experiencing !!!

    motherhood I tell you 🙂

    Shall take up the tag comfy 🙂

  6. WOW.. One learns a new thing everyday ..
    Enjoyed reading this post, knowing the other side how MOM’s feel 🙂 how my mother probably felt ..

  7. I am so glad you did this tag Comfy..was waiting to see your take on this one 🙂

    The points were absolutely the ones I had to say too…was nodding away in agreement all the way 😀

    Now, I’ll have to think creative and come up with some new ones, damn! 😛

  8. Absolutely loved ur learnings Comfy….so heartfelt and honest. 🙂

    Isnt it true that we understand our mothers, when we become one !!!

    Thanks for the award….lemme think of my lessons…. 🙂

  9. Why is my reader misbehaving so much? I seem to be missing so many posts! 😦

    Anyway, I love reading such posts about motherhood. They make me think about my own ideologies..

    Great post Comfy 🙂

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