Uncertainty..changes..tears..looking ahead

I was to start back at work when Bugz was six months old. The transition did not worry me as much as it did the first time around with Buzz, but decisions still needed to be made and we decided that we wanted her to stay at home for a little while more before she went to a daycare or school. We started looking for a nanny, talked to more than a few over the phone, met 4 in person. I can’t pinpoint on what/why we settled on the nanny we did, call it instinct, call it a feeling, but looking back I can only be thankful for it. The love and care Bugz gets from S is unmatched. Bugz said, Bugz did, Bugz wants – this is what I walk home to everyday. Every interest of hers is taken care of, every dislike preempted. As a parent, while your heart swells up with love for you child, it also gives an extra tight squeeze when you see an outpour of love for him/her from someone else. I have lived with this feeling for over two years now and I still can’t find the right words to tell S what she has done for us.

Change of course has to come and as unbelievable as it sounds, Bugz starts school soon. S was involved in the entire process of finding the right fit of school for Bugz, applications, acceptance letters and when things were in place she booked tickets back to her home town for a long overdue visit before she started her next nanny job. We have all known the dates for 6 months now but as the numbers come down to single digits, the heart sinks a little. I come home to S holding Bugz a little tighter, her eyes moist and promises of phone calls. I look the other way as I blink away the tears. Goodbye were never my strong suite for a reason.

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Buzz is coming to the end to her school year and with it comes the next set of changes. She will be moving to a different branch of her current school due to a few different reasons. From a small, cozy 5 class rooms, all in one hallway school, where everyone knows everyone else, she is moving to 3 floor, six hallway, big school.

Her current school has been amazing for her. She has played and laughed and danced and performed and kicked a ball and skipped over rocks. She has made art and collected jewels from the yard and made friends and shared her toys, she has found ways to express herself and has grown in confidence.

The fact that she is moving to different branch of the same school, helps calm me down. I know the main core of the school is the same, I have loved the various focus points of the school and I know that is not going to change. A couple of teachers and a lot of kids from Buzz’s class are moving as well, which will help with transition big time. In all I am fairly relaxed about the move, but the fact that I walk in to her class with teary eyed teachers upsets me. How do you thank teachers that get so attached to your kids? How do you find words for all they have done for your kids?

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Re-orgs happened at works a few months back and a new project came online. It seemed interesting and I signed up for it. It was exciting and new and a great learning experience. As I was getting in the rhythm of things next set of re-orgs happened. Since I was committed to the first set of work, I was asked to continue till the end of June after which I transition the work to someone else. The first part is set to release by the end of the month and as I spend a lot of hours finishing as much as I can, I also prepare handoff documents for the person unknown to take over. There is a part of me who wants to see it to the end, but the practical part tells me, learning is done so move on. The silver lining of course is that I will be coming back to my original team and they are counting days.

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Momentum is building – bye bye S, yearend performance, bye bye school, deliver on work, bye bye project and it all ends with us getting on a plane for a vacation in the sun.

After all the anxieties of June we will welcome July with open arms for it brings calm along. Buzz and Bugz will be going to the same school, I will have my old team back, things will find a way to settle down again. Till then the countdown is on – 17 days to the vacation we have all been looking forward to.

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15 thoughts on “Uncertainty..changes..tears..looking ahead

  1. Change is the only constant no?? Bugz starts school!!! really!!! Gah! cant believe she is that old…..:):)

    All the best for everything Comfy..from the bottom of my heart 🙂 Wishing one of my favorite families all the love and luck..and enjoy the vacation 🙂

    1. I am in shock really just thinking of my baby starting school!

      June is a bit of a mess – hectic, stressful, with too many transitions. July is when things fall in to place so looking forward to that. And of course the vacation 🙂

  2. my best wishes always your way comfy and lots of love the two little ones 🙂 and yes good byes are difficult , I know because I can never do them and hate them ..

    the bugz wowo.. I cant believe she has grown up .. it was just like yesterday..

    Kids grow so fasttttt…

    and Hello to S…

    all the best

  3. I know that feeling of having a good nanny. 🙂 I had 4 so far for my kids and I can clearly see the difference. All the hugs, kisses.. Its lovely to see a non-family person love our child like that. 🙂

    I am so happy for you. 🙂 Have a great July. 🙂

  4. Bugs and Buzz in the same school?? Oh my! Cannot wait to hear more stories of school once that happens.

    [ I still recall visiting my little bro in his class during recess when we were at the same school]

    May the changes only bring more happiness. Wish you a wonderful vacation ! ( where? where? where?)

    1. Buzz already has plans, ‘Can I visit Bugz’s class when you celebrate her birthday in school,’ she asks me 😀
      Yes, it is all about the food 😛
      Vacation to land of sun, sand and surf *excited*

  5. Enjoy the vacay, comfy!!
    Good nannies are God sent really. I loved that she has been active in helping with the new school search too. How awesome that the sisters are going to be together. I always wanted that but alas, my sister is 9 years younger so it never happened!

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