Dreams, we all weave them and spin them around. Yours are small and simple, a ride on the airplane as you sit on the window seat. Or being to be able to fly if you had a super power. Mine, they are a little more complex. I look at Bugz and you and dream of a bond so strong that it carries the two of you through all the ups and downs that life will bring along. I dream of a support system so rooted that nothing can shake it. I then follow it up with sending my wishes out to the universe at large and hope they come true.
I used to worry about how you would take to Bugz while I was still pregnant but you took one look at her and she was your baby. ‘Will my baby come to pick me up from school today’, you ask ever so often and get upset when I reply with a negative. You come running the minute you see her whenever she does come to school with me, a reception I never get. For me it is always, ‘2 more minutes Mumma’. You show your baby off to everyone but no one can come and touch her. That only brings forth the super possessive elder sister.
The time before Bugz was born, whenever we came across a baby animal in a book, you called them ‘Buzz’. So there used to be ‘Buzz lion’, ‘Buzz cat’, ‘Buzz elephant’. Now everything is about Bugz. There are ‘Bugz lions’, ‘Bugz cats’, ‘Bugz elephants’. And then you come up with a gem like ‘Bugz bubble’ as you see a small bubble amongst the big ones we are blowing and you are popping them. Talking about gems, here is one that always cracks me up, every single time you see me change Bugz diaper, you come and ask me, ‘This is Bugz pot?’, as you point to the diaper. I tell you, ‘yes’, with a straight face and you go on to explain how you go do your business on a pot while Bugz does hers in a diaper.
I don’t know how, I don’t know why but whenever we have people over, one way or the other, the conversation always get around to them telling you that they will take Bugz with them and your drama starts. ‘Noooooo! not my baby’, you scream and follow it up with keeping a hawk eye on Bugz till they go to ensure that Bugz stays behind with you. There are times when you get super mad at Bugz but that is between the two of you. It does not mean that Bugz needs to go away. Never ever do you agree to that.
Bugz is at a stage where she does not play with you, but she plays around you. If there is sudden silence in the house I know you two are playing together. Which also means, I know what is coming soon. Precursor and all that. Bugz shriek and your voice in anger are heard as you fight over some toy, spoon, thread. And I smile. I see my little dream becoming a reality. What is sibling love without these little fights, after all?
The other day you did not take a nap at school and were tired and irritated by the time you got home. I knew the best way to calm you down was to give you a bath but you refused to walk up with me, so I walked upstairs telling you that you could come up whenever you were ready. You kept on sulking while Bugz played around you. About 5 minutes in to your drama, you started crying real loud. I got you to come upstairs and talk to me. Then came the reason for your crying out. Bugz apparently heard me upstairs and came up to investigate and you got mad. All you kept saying over and over again was, ‘Bugz left me alone’. Not ‘you left me alone’ or ‘I was left alone’ but ‘Bugz left me alone’. That day I just could not stop smiling. My dreams around the two of you are coming true, little by little.
Sweetheart, you are such a great kid and I don’t think I can ask for more. I have my dreams around you but they are mine. I will not burden you with them. You go on, be the person you want to be. I will help you when you stumble and guide you when you need to, but will not try and override your wishes when it is not required. You go on an create and develop your bond with Bugz the way you would like. I will stand back and smile any which way because I know, with the two of you, my dreams will come true no matter what. Stay healthy little one, stay happy, stay you.
Loads of love,
Baware mann ke bawari hein baatein