Category: hmph

Where is the ax?

Day 1:
——–

I am super tired and can’t seem to keep my eyes open as I sit in front of my computer at work. All owing to the bad night Buzz had the night before, which meant I got almost no sleep. I pick up the phone to call D.

Me: Whine
D: Stop right there.
Me: But I still have ‘whine whine whine’ left.
D: Just go home and get some sleep.
Me: hmm.. maybe I will do just that. I will come to pick Buzz and you in a couple of hours.
D: Send Bhaiya. You go sleep.

I lock up my computer, wear my jacket, get the car keys out and head home. And am fast asleep less than a minute after my head touches the pillow. Only to wake up with a start. Oh no! it is time to pick the two of them up and I did not even tell Bhaiya to go pick them. I frantically call D to see if he can pick Buzz up and till then Bhaiya or I will make our way to pick the two of them.

D: Calm down. Where are you?
Me: Still at home.
D: Great, you stay there. Buzz and I will take the bus back.
Me: Are you sure. It will take way too long.
D: Yeah, yeah. Buzz is fascinated with buses so might as well introduce her to one.

Some 45 mins later Buzz comes running inside.

Buzz: MUMMMAAA. Papa, me bus. Zoom. Bus. Me me bus, Mumma.

Paa can’t seem to wipe the smile off his face.

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Day 2:
——–

As is normal with us, I go to pick Buzz from daycare. Soon after we step outside, she takes one look at the car and lays down on the road.

Buzz: Nahein Mumma, no car. Me bus. Me bus mumma. Car nahein.

I somehow get the kicking screaming hurricane inside the car and drive on to pick up D. Again as in normal when he gets inside the car:

D: Hi Buzz, kaisa hei beta?
Buzz: *Nose up in the air, looks the other way*
D: Kya hua Buzz?
Buzz: *Nose still in the air, gives him one look and looks away*
D: What is wrong with her?
Me: You are not taking her in the bus. So she is upset.
D: *Deep belly laughs*

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Two days more have passed and I am the one who bears the blunt of kicks and punches that are thrown as a way of showing resentment for not taking her home in a bus. Isko kehte hein ‘Apne pairooin ke khud kulhaadi marna’.

PS: Now D tells me he will take Buzz home in a bus come Friday. God only save me!

Please stand up

All you people who liked ‘Dabangg’ can you please stand up. I have a few questions to ask.

What was so great about that movie? Seriously am I missing something? Out of shape, stiff as a board Salman Khan trying to do Matt Damon Bourne like stunts and horror of horrors Keanu Reeves Neo style slow-mo backward bend. The guy seems to be having trouble just moving, why make him jump around. To top it off ‘Hum tumme itne ched kardenge..yada yada yada’.

My first movie to watch for the year and I picked Dabangg. I watched only 3 movies last year and if that continues for 2011, it would mean I wasted one on this one? I want to go cry somewhere, after I rant and rave about all the amazing reviews about this movie. I should have listened to D. He did ask me a couple of times, ‘You want to watch a Salman Khan movie?’

Done, back to Salman Khan ban.

hmph.. 😐

Blame game

Every time Buzz does something that gets me mad, I turn to D and tell him:

Tum pe gayi hei!*

After all he claimed so himself and it is a matter of who points the finger first. Yes yes, I am always first in that. And since there is no way he can prove me wrong, he mumbles and moves on.

We were out on an aimless road trip the weekend before last. Got to a small town and decided to take a break, stretch our legs, get something to eat. As we parked the car, there was this horse with a carriage to take a ride on and Buzz being a big fan of animals (at least in books and on TV) I thought I would let her see a real life horse. But as we walked closer, Buzz started screaming:

No horse, no mumma horse nahein.

As I picked her up and she clung to me with her face in my neck, D promptly tells me:

Tum pe gayi hei!

 Since with everything he does she can’t have taken after him, I am left with no argument.

Buzz sweetheart your Maa’s naak is in your hands. Please don’t katwaao it.

*She takes after you!

From one generation to the next

The story goes, there once was a 3 year old boy. He would not eat anything. Not one thing, no matter how many things his mom tried. Milk was the only thing he lived on. Such strong love.

One day dad came home with the news that he got posted to another town and they were to move within the month. As mom worked on cleaning and packing up things, getting ready to move, she came upon an idea to get the boy to eat. She told the boy,

If you don’t eat, they won’t let us take you with us. You will stay here.

Will you go Maa?

Yes, I will.

Will Papa also go?

Yes, he will.

Will you take the little sister?

Yes, she get to go as well.

If I start eating, can I go too?

Yes, they will let you come along.

The poor boy scared of being left behind because of the mysterious ‘they’ starts eating. One roti with sabzi for each meal. Mom is relieved that her son is getting a little more nourishment.

Move day comes, everything is packed up in a truck and then the family makes their way to the bus stop. Few hours of travel and they get to their destination. Another few minutes by rickshaw and they arrive at their friend’s place, where they would be staying a few days till the house in set up.

Come dinner time, mom asks the son to come have his meal. The boy refuses,

Now that we are here, I don’t have to eat. I want only milk.

***************************************************

Days goes by, but the milk vs. food struggle continues. The boy starts school. Every afternoon as his mom walks him back from school, he stops right in the middle of the huge community park in front of the house and starts screaming,

Haaye mujhe bookh lagi hei. Mujhe dudu ke bookh lagi hei.

..much to the laughs of everyone in the community. And he keeps at it till he gets his glass of milk soon after he steps inside the house.

***************************************************

A couple of years pass. The boy finally, in the year past, has started to eat without a fight.

One evening the dad comes home. As is the norm, Mom hands him a glass of milk to drink after he has washed his hands. The little sister, now a toddler, comes running and sits on her dad’s lap. Looks at the glass of milk,

Papa aap jab ghar aate ho na, to Maa aap to pura glass bhar ke dudh deti hein. Mujhe itna kam deti hein (holding her index finger a little way away from her thumb)

Yeah lo beta, tum mera dudh pe lo.

Nahein papa, aap maa ko kehdo mujhe bhi glass bhar ke dudh diya karein.

Dad calls out to Mom and asks her why the girl gets 3/4 th glass of milk instead of a glass full?

Pucho is se ki yeah kitni baar dudh peeti hei din mein,

comes the reply.

Beta, aap kitni baar dudh pete ho?

Papa jab mein subah uthti huin to tab eak glass. Phir dupehar ko uthne ke baad eak glass. Phir shaam ko eak glass. Aur phir sone se pehle eak baar. Bas.

Mom smiles an angelic smiles and says,

Agar aur dudh pilana hei to ghar ke baahar eak gaayein bandh lo.

***************************************************

Many many many years pass. The little girl now has a little girl of her own. Every time food is place in front of her, screams of..

No mumma, no khanna.

..are heard, as she pretends that she is not hungry. A minute later the same little thing makes demand for milk and guzzles down 8 ounces of milk without any breaks.

***************************************************

A cry breaks the silence of the night. Maa opens her eyes and notes it is 4:15 in the morning.

Mumma dudu,

comes the cry. Maa knows she is hungry, what with no dinner the night before. In her frustration, she tells the little one,

No khanna, no dudu.

This is greeted by silence.

Mumma, no nini.

Mumma, diaper change.

And so many things are tried. The end result is she is out of her crib, has her milk in her hand, is running around the house and Maa is utterly exhausted.

***************************************************

This milk obsession is going to be the death of Maa. And the worse is she can’t even complain to her own Maa, because all she gets is big smiles from the other end. Sigh!

No Mumma

Mumma roti. Mumma roti. Mumma roti.

For the 2 minutes that it takes me to make one roti, she repeats these two words non-stop. As the roti goes on the plate and I get yoghurt out, she quickly opens the spoon drawer and gets her spoon out. I pick up her plate and place it on the table.

No mumma, no khana. No mumma.

************************************************

We are getting dressed to go out.

Mumma outside. Mumma baahar.

The coats are on. D and I have my shoes on. She is off standing on the other side of the room.

No mumma, no shoes. No mumma.

************************************************

She sits on my lap, drinking her milk, rubbing her eyes. I place a kiss on her head and tell her, it is time for bed. Off she runs, away from me.

No mumma, no nini. No mumma.

************************************************

I go to pick her up from daycare. She is standing at the window looking at the reception area, waiting for me. As I step inside her class, she runs and picks up a toy. I get her jacket out, but she runs from one toy to the other.

No mumma, no jacket.

When push comes to shove, she is on the floor screaming,

No mumma, no ghar.

************************************************

Buzz, chalo nahaie time.
No mumma.

Buzz, all done nahaie. Chalo bahaar niklo.
No mumma.

************************************************

I give up. I do.

Paaah..this Maa..

Hey Everyone,

Lest you forget all about me, I thought I would stop by and write to you so that you all can go talk to Maa. She is driving me crazy I tell you.

I look up with a big smile and tell her:

Circle

She turns around and says:

O, the letter O

I repeat:

Mumma circle!!

but she keeps saying O. So I say ‘circle O’ and move on to tell her:

Mumma dusra O

And she smiles and says:

No Buzz Q. The letter Q.

I give up and pick another book:

Mumma Oval

But never to agree with me Maa tells me:

Zero, yeah zero hei

Sigh!! Now you all know what I am dealing with? What am I to do? Maa teaches me one thing one day, then goes and changes it on me the next. I bet she does not know anything anyways. Why else would she tell me different things every other day. Can some of you please go teach her a few things so that I can learn as well. 

Thanku,
Buzz

Soddy

Pees: A week or so in to starting daycare she first signed please. A couple of months down the line the words followed at all the right places. When asking for milk or a toy or a book to read. Now ever so often she is seen standing below a slab, hands stretched above her head trying to reach something, all they while saying

Pees Pees

Tanku: Took a while to get the words out. But once they came they were used for everything. As I hand her milk, when the door is opened for her as she steps out, after she has been dressed. Now as I empty the dish washer she runs to hand me the spoons to keep away in their place. Soon after I take them from her hand she says:

Tanku Mumma

To which I respond:

Thank You Buzz

Big smiles are exchanged before we redo the whole thing over again.

Wecome: For every Tanku she tells us we respond with a

You are welcome

She picked it up real soon. Now she waits for less than a second for a Thank You or a welcome. If none is forthcoming she goes on her own

Tanku, wecome

and keeps at it till you respond in kind.

Bess You: The birthday song is her new favourite, were demands for the song are made every 5 mins. As soon as the first paragraph is done Buzz chimes in

Bess you

and I continue to sing

May God bless you..

Every sneeze and even every single cough gets a

Bess you

Soddy: It took her a LONG LONG time to say the words out. Time outs, tears, tantrums on the floor, everything was endured to avoid saying one small word. Till, till she figured out the minute Soddy is out of her mouth, everything magically becomes all right..Maa and Paa stop being angry and give her a hug. Now for even a perceived, might get her into trouble, act has her going:

Soddy Mumma, Soddy Papa

Soddy is our new favorite word which for now is cracking Maa and Paa up. How long will we find it amusing is yet to be seen.