Re-evaluate

Years later, when I look back to this time of my life, the one things that will stand out most in my memory is the sound of the kids crying.

There is stubborn Bugz, who wants everything her way and can cry endlessly to get her way. There is the over-sensitive Buzz, for whom even the slightest perceived slight is enough to burst in to tears. One starts and the other joins in. Highs and lows; sometimes in sync, sometimes cacophonic; crescendo reached?, who knows; climax not in sight.

Kids have the knack of getting you this close to your break point; shatter all your notions about yourself; make you abandon all your rules; bring you down to your knees; and kick you over the edge.

The kids are asleep. The hellish day that was, is done. My ears still ring with never ending cry fest. I sit and look at all I know about myself, all I thought about myself, all my views on parenting and I come back with a blank. Nothing I do seems right, not one thing seems to make it better. Anger, that I could not keep a handle on; something I would regret, I avoided by sheer will; so close, so close.

What/why/how/which/when, I wonder, as anger still simmers. Till I find the answers, I guess, an Ibuprofen for the pounding head will have to do.

Life and all it’s questions!

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aG-WDXk36TE%5D
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32 thoughts on “Re-evaluate

  1. Kids have the knack of getting you this close to your break point; shatter all your notions about yourself; makes you abandon all your rules; bring you down to your knees; and kick you over the edge. – This is EXACTLY what I feel at times..you sure have a way with words eh?

    big hugs

  2. Perfect post Comfy at the right time, you spoke my words. I know what a deal that is, You just feel like saying leave me alone and run far away and you cannot do that ever…Hugs take it easy and things will be ok in just a few mins.

  3. The more I read your posts,the more two words keeps coming back to me-“Soul Sister”… Please know that I know and feel how you do…when they start crying.. Anan-stubbornly and Aadi -because she is super-sensitive.. its like a switch goes on/off in my head.. that makes me want to forget everything else.. just break down and join them.. just hold them close and form a bubble around us…or just drop everything and run away..far..very far!!
    hugs..

  4. I think things like that happens with kids and parents are often at the edge. I mean I am not married but can imagine your situation but am sure you’ll tackle it with deft and competence.
    Cheers

  5. exactly the thoughts going on in my mind too.. sometimes I feel that I should stop reading about parenting tips as I have not implemented half of what I have already read esp. the gulping down on reacting to their actions.. don’t react but respond is what I am trying hard to follow but failing every single time.. a big sigghhh and tight hugs to you Comfy..

  6. It is very difficult to imagine what you are going through. Obviously right, it is like speaking about what happens in another planet to me. 🙂 Especially when it is calm and wise Comfy and the super cute babies we are talking about. I wish you a long, beautiful, deep, refreshing sleep with happy lovely dreams that put a spring back in you. That kind of a sleep usually helps me when I am about to break down. I hope feel better soon!

  7. Oh dear dear Comfy..I sincerely empathize. {{Hugs}}

    I want to tear out my own hair at times..have bitten my teeth so hard at times..held my fist and seethed at times…only to end up feeling hopeless, guilty and a failure in the end, of course with added bonus of headache.

    And please note I have only ONE, not TWO 😀

    [ Psst: The only thing that seems to work for me is to react the total opposite of what I intend to in times of crisis. If a scream is emerging from my throat, I bring out a soft voice. If a butt-thwack on Paapu is coming up, I force a hug on her. Such unexpected reaction has helped overturn the situation positively. Tried yet?]

  8. I can empathize Comfy, I am better because Chucky is fairly easy going child but still I go mad with her with hectic lifestyle and single parenting. I can’t imagine how you manage two kids.

    I can give a tight hug if that makes you feel better.

  9. Hugs comfy. You will get through this.I hope you are already laughing about how you felt when you were writing this.
    Btw, When I am down with physical/emotional strain from taking care of my twins, I go back and read all the posts I wrote about them ,i.e, the cute things I thought they did or look at their pics. It always helped me. Buzz and bugz are just adorable kids and what you write them is even more adorable. Maybe reading will make you feel better? Hugs.

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