A flash of memory

I sat entertaining Buzz while D went to pick up food at this small Indian eat out place. I caught something from the corner of my eye which has me turning my head in a rush of smile. The words ‘Nani’ came to my lips before I saw the head turn a little. Words left unsaid as I looked on. Not Nani. No this was not Nani. How could it be her after all?

I sat and stared. The same body type, the same wrinkled hands, the same white hair tied up in a messy knot, the same way of draping the dupatta on the head, the same lines on the face. She sat with her back to me and I just wanted to get up and hug her.

It has been way too long since I last hugged you Nani and felt you engulf me in your warmth. It has been too long Nani since I saw the smile on your face and the light in your eyes. It has been way too long.

For the 10 mins we sat next to each other, I lived in the illusion that this was Nani. That she would turn any minute, smile and call out ‘Chuhiya’. For the same insane reason, I did not want her to turn because that would shatter this beautiful dream I was building.

We sat and ate. My eyes returning to her ever so often. I could not form the words and tell D what I was going through. All I did was look on. Saw her family come up to her. Saw her pick her little granddaughter and kiss her. Saw her care in her every action. All the time the lump in my throat grew bigger and bigger.

Do you know Nani how much I have been missing you lately? Do you know how much I think of you these days with everything that is going on? Do you know how much I wish I could run and hide in your lap?

I glanced at her, one last time, as we got up and left. She stayed unaware of me and my scrutiny the entire time, but now almost a day later I wish I had the guts to go up to her and touch her feet  before I left. I know she was not my Nani. But she gave me that one flash of memory that I never thought I would ever see again. And for that moment when she was Nani to me, I wish I could get her blessings. I wish she could tell me things will be all right.


44 thoughts on “A flash of memory

  1. Totally lost for words … I’m sure your Nani is watching over her Chuhiya and the naughtiness of little buzz with a smile and blessing them with abundance joy, peace and health from where ever she is.

  2. Such a sweet post. Seriously, it reminded me of my nani, and now I’m missing her :(. I know what you mean, sometimes certain people remind us of special people in our life. There is an elderly couple who is visiting their daughter (our neighbor), and every time I look at them I think of my parents. In fact I talk to that uncle all the time because I see my Dad in him somehow. Sad na.

    1. Yeah it is amazing and strange at the same time when certain people remind us of other people we care for.

      I am glad you get to talk to that Uncle. 🙂

  3. aww comfy..come here come to me !! Hugs…though nothing could replace a nani’s warm hug a friend’s hug can at least placate and tell you that things are going to fall in place,pretty soon,yeah !

    Much Love

  4. You missing your nani…. God bless .. she is look at you

    NANI’s aare the best this post makes me want to fly and meet mine before its tooo late ….

  5. I sooo miss my Nani too 😦 Hw I wish she cud be there when I got married and at so many such times in life 😦 Hugs Comfy! Ofcourse they r watching over us – our Nanis!

    1. I have such wishes too Swaram. Especially around her being able to hold Buzz even once. But that was not to be. Yeah, they are watching over us, they are. 🙂

  6. lovely post.. hugs Comfy

    **I could not form the words and tell D what I was going through.**

    we get into this state most of times don’t we? how nice would it be if thoughts can be effortlessly transformed into words…

  7. Nani is looking at her Chuhiya and the Chuhiya’s CHuhiya’s and loving it. Grandparents are something else – and we are so lucky to have them around. They leave us with memories for a lifetime

  8. You reminded me of my nani….and have me in tears…

    I miss mine too.. but the memories do not rush back as often they used to. You were lucky Comfy, for that precious glimpse. {{Hugs}}

  9. Nani sent me to tell you ‘Everything will be alright’. She also asked you to give me a milk sweet or two. She said she’ll be very cross if you didnt give me *looking hopeful*

    Mwah and big big hugs 🙂

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