Learning

Dear Buzz,

Before you were born I had so many ideas about the kind of parent I would be. Things I would do. How I would do them. I had an image of the way I would bring up my child. You turned all of them on the ear did you not? You showed me how foolish my parenting ideas were, did you not?

I will be very honest and say, I used to judge people whose kids were up past 9:00 P.M. I used to shake my head at parents who brought their kids to restaurants past 9:00 P.M. I used to think myself, I would never let my kid run around screaming in the store. You haven’t done the screaming bit and we haven’t done the taking you to the restaurant part late nights. But sleep. Oh yeah.

Today I am that parent whose child is up past 9:00 P.M. Today I am helpless. I did everything your pediatrician and various books said. I set up a routine for you and followed it religiously. I taught you to sleep on your own. Lights out at 8:15 and in your crib. Worked like a charm. Right around the time I was ready to show off, you shut me up nice and proper. Now I stand next to your crib, and stand and stand some more. The clock goes from 8:30 to 8:45 to 9:00 and beyond. Some days like today it goes past 10:30 despite having done everything I could think off.

Today when someone called and heard you screaming in the background and asked very innocently ‘Are kids not suppose to sleep by 7:30’, I got a dose of my own medicine. I felt judged. I ate my words before I could give any kind of clarification, but those words hit hard. I am turning in to that kind of mom.. the ‘bad mom’ in the eyes of others. Today something a friend said a while back takes on a fresh meaning. She said ‘It is the non-moms who judge moms’. It is not quite true but close enough. My statement would be, ‘You never judge a mom for something if you have crossed that stage of parenting she is in or are going through the same stage yourself.’

Having said all of this, this is about you. I want you to get enough sleep. To hell with rules to follow and what the books or anyone else says. You and the amount of sleep you get is what is of importance here. And that you are not getting enough off. I don’t know what to do sweetheart. I don’t know how to help. I know I get angry. I know I get frustrated. And that for sure is not helping. So give me some kind of a sign on what route do I take. Help me figure out what works for you. Work with me to get you the amount of sleep you actually need.

Please, just help me here,
-Maa

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58 thoughts on “Learning

  1. Oh Maa, relax! We did something new today. We were in a new place. We got excited and maybe the weekend mood from you and Paa penetrated into us too. So we played a lot more. Our nap time shifted. Consequently, our sleep time. So relax! You are doing good! Despite the guilt-trip Akka send you on every now and then, you are doing good. Now get off that computer and go sleep so that you are nice and fresh for me in the morning.

    And remember, I have the same words for you: ‘Work with me to get you the amount of sleep you actually need’. You need it too! I know I wake up early, but you wont find it hard when you sleep at an earthly hour too 😛

    PS: Akka asked me to tell you that I have YOUR genes, so yeah I will stay up late 😛

    1. Well I said all I had to say to you on IM.. it was not about the new place.. this is what she has been up to recently..and as I said I need to figure out her new needs and work with those.

  2. Oh Comfyy dear…..don’t be so hard on yourself! I know it puts us in a tough spot when we’re not able to adhere to the regime that we think ideal, but we can’t ask kids to go by books or rules right? They have their moods, their temperaments.

    I’ve never been able to put my son to sleep by 9! He sleeps well beyond 11 sometimes, that too after he’s started attending school and has extra play-time ‘se of it. As for the screaming bit in the store, I hated it when I wasn’t a Mom too, but now that I’m in the same spot I let him be since all that matters is he enjoy himself (without causing discomfort to others obviously!). He loves to attract attention and God knows he has more than his share of it. 🙂 🙂

    May be she wants you to spend more time with her before she sleeps? May be she wants Ma to play with her a bit longer? Let others say whatever they wish, you’re fantastic! And only we know and can decide what’s best, so chill! And like Revs said don’t stress too much over this and get some good sleep yourself. Hugs! 🙂 🙂

  3. I love Revs’s comment !!

    HUGS Comfy 🙂 This is not my experience area so..can’t help with suggestions.. 😦

    Oh and yes I relate to that sentence “non-moms judge moms”..I sometimes belong to that category…which now tells me to not do that 🙂

  4. Let kids be kids alright. No one said kids need to have army training school like rituals. Let them play and tire themselves out and they will sleep. If they don’t, let them play around some more. Lights off at about 9 or 10 should be good enough for a 2 year old child. You’re lucky to be home by 8 to let the baby sleep! I know this other young couple where the mother reaches home at 10 PM and the father gets home at about midnight from his business. They never go to bed before 1 AM each night and their two year old stays up with them.

    Just relax, and let her be the little baby she is!

    You’re a good mom! I can vouch for that! 🙂

    1. We all work around our schedule and what works best for us as parents. So I can’t talk about your friends.. but Buzz gets up early, which means sleeping late does not get her enough sleep 😐

  5. Hey relax,you will be happy if i tell mine sleeps only by 11 or 12 and wakes up in morning by 7 or 8 and naps for only 1 or max 2 hrs in the day.
    She hardly sleeps for 10 or max 12 hrs in a day,may be some changes couldhave affectedher sleep.
    Find out,even if she doesnt sleep dont worry,they will get the sleep they want in some or other way.
    Cheers and hugs on your way.

  6. You both need hugs and here Dew sending so much of it… 😀 baaki relax… she is a kiddo yaa ..let her enjoy anytime she wants to 🙂 yeah discipline is certainly important…but I feel anyway..when they would grow up to a certain age…they would be ingrained with all that. ..so why restrict now 🙂

    Also, each child has his/her own habit… we cant enforce things but we can only try!

  7. aah, i remember a niece having a ball like Buzz and her mom worrying like you, there were some home remedies suggested by my mom and they worked. will ask mom and get back to you on this, if it is of any help to you at all.

    and yups, we all think you’re a perfect mom. no guilt trips 🙂

  8. Every kid is different (as you know already) and hence cannot be fitted under a blanket rule (one size fits all kinds). I share your experiences too in the judging and guilt department. Had problems with my son’s eating (still do) and sleeping.
    Finally, you know what worked for me? Chotu and his guidance coupled with some rules I laid in place. It took a while, it still goes helter skelter sometimes, but by and large it works.
    You and Buzz will learn to work this around , a little bit of give and take will happen and before you know, you guys will be chugging along just fine.
    All the best Comfy, from whatever little I know of you from this blog, you are doing a great job balancing stuff. Hugs..

    1. That is what I am working on. Taking cues from her. I only take her to her room when she starts rubbing her eyes and gets cranky etc. All classic signs of sleepiness. Then she starts jumping on her crib and keeps moving till she can’t move at all. Takes anywhere from 30 mins to an hour. Sigh..

  9. Hehe! You are being hard on yourself! Kids can make you feel like that and in a jiffy, they’ll just make you forget everything! 😀
    @Buzz: Sleep is a LUXURY! Years later, when you get have to get up at 6 everyday, to go to work, you will realize how important it is to get sufficient sleep! Sigh! 🙂

  10. Oh, thats a sweet post…lots of hugs to you…. 🙂 🙂

    Every child is unique and has a different way of approach to things, even sleep patterns.
    While its easy to judge, without having gone through the same situation, it really makes sense, when u acknowledge now !!!

    My girls were darlings – touch wood, no trouble at all when they were infants – thats why I got through, with two girls with very less age difference. Now, my sister has only one and she is so much trouble for sleeping, eating and every thing. I see her undergoing all the parenting problems – the solutions I give her dont work with that little girl – she needs different handling. So take care…Buzz will be fine…you are a wonderful Mom…special hugs to you. 🙂

  11. Oh Comfy! just relax… sometimes it happens… and it does not happen always.
    You are doing the good job, No doubt. No worries.
    Sometimes let Buzz be free…. she might be enjoying spending late nights with you. She might remember all these nights spent with you.
    So, take a chill pill… mom!!

  12. Lol@ Revs! she’s bang on though 🙂
    And yeah.. mommyhood is all about learning! or rather unlearning all of those idealistic stuff coz kids are unique and generalizations may not work on every one of them 🙂

  13. Awwwwwwwwww….. I see exactly what you mean. Just TIRE HER OUT during the day, don’t let her nap in the afternoon, and you will find she plops into bed without a sound by 8 🙂 Hugs to you…..

  14. Comfy: I have visited your blog a number of times before, but commenting for the first time here (may be)!!
    I can so relate to you, I have a 4 yr old who is going through some similar stage.
    but as you said, kids do not come with a strict set of instructions, each one is unique and as they grow up, they do have their stages and changes in their routines.
    you as a mom, can do your very best.
    May be it’s the day light that’s still keeping her up
    May be its the activities that she is exploring each day
    One thing I tried was to still contunuing to keep the routine
    but not force it on him
    It took a while for the routine to settle on my son
    But don’t be too hard on yourself
    I am not sure how old is your daughter, but believe me when I say that this is just the beginning of changes you’ll start seeing.
    So relax and enjoy the moments

  15. Awww….Comfy….As a non-mom, I can only say I have great respect and admiration for parents! Cos I was on “their” duty for sometime. And I know how hard it is if the baby doesn’t sleep.

    Truth be told, you cannot relax until she relaxes! There were times when I begged my little nephew in my mind to sleep. I was desperate for a pee break and the little fella would not let me go! If I did, he would not sleep for the next one hour!

    I dont understand how kids cannot sleep even when their eyes are droopy and have no strength to keep their eyelids open 😀 But they try had to keep them open!! Something I havent been able to understand till now 😀

    And yes, my SIL used to feel really cranky and frustrated that he doesnt sleep. Cos everything in the world is dependent on that !!

    You know best, Comfy 🙂 *hugs*

    1. Oh then you understand my frustration. Buzz is so tired..she cannot keep her eyes opened but still she manages to keep up and keep moving.. sigh..

      Thanks for the hugs SnS 🙂

  16. Been there, done that! I used to judge moms whose kids weren’t in bed by 8pm too. And those whose kids would run amok in restaurants/ theaters/ airports/ stores. Its all come back to haunt me! Anyway, don’t be so hard on yourself. From my limited experience I’ve found that most kids I know (Nikki included) are generally pretty good at regulating their sleep requirements. So unless you think Buzz has a chronic sleep deficit don’t stress. And from what I can make out from your blog, you really sound like a terrific mom 🙂

    1. Buzz has issues with getting to sleep and then going back to sleep once she is up. And I am at my wits end to see what I can do to help. Something has changed recently and I don’t know what. Maybe she does not need as much sleep as she use to. Because I know she is definitely not sleeping as much.

      Still working on it.. We will see 🙂

  17. 9 PM bedtime? ..or even that 10:30 PM bedtime, really?
    Pat yourself on the back Comfy..bcoz I am one of those who lets the baby tire out and start rubbing the eyes before taking to the crib ( around 10:45 PM).

    I know..not good. But I love those last few hours when we are done with dinner and spend good time playing and just being around with her peacefully.

    She makes up by sleeping in the day time with long naps though.

    And , hey, what’s ‘bad mom’? There’s no such term I know of 😛

    Relax, dear 🙂

    1. Buzz shows me all signs of sleep around 8:15-8:30 but she stays up till she can’t move anymore..no matter what I do. And she is up early and does not nap that long during the day. All of that combined is what has me worried..

      Trying to relax..am trying..trying..trying 😀

  18. First things first, take it easy dear, don’t stress yourself up for kids sense stress real well, especially in their mum 🙂 🙂
    One rule to remember is ‘kids are NOT miniature adults’, so they have a routines and habits very different from the time oriented patterns we adults follow.
    The answer to all your worries probably lies with buzz’s grandma (both your and D’s mum) ask them if you or D slept very few hours when you were of buzz’ age. Probably there lies the link 😉 😉
    Kids have wagon loads of energy much more than what we can imagine, let buzz have fun and give her a feel that after 9:30 mum gets tired and doesn’t play, so that she’ll start loosing interest in keeping you around 😉 😉

    Hope you feel relaxed soon 🙂

    P.S.- I have finally moved to WordPress 😀 😀 😀

  19. Aww Comfy! 🙂 I am a non-mom, so I dont have any words of advice for you! But what you say is so true, I guess it will teach me to judge a bit lesser 🙂
    I hope baby Buzz realizes how very precious sleep is soon!

  20. I don’t know to say, so I asked Amma… She said taking the baby out in the breeze, fresh air and talking in a low tone might do the trick… Or sing to her(:roll:) Basically, a baby might get immune to the usual tricks, while some babies like monotonous routines and some get over with it soon…

    See if it works for you…

    Also, just to let you know, I do judge parents and their parenting only and only when the kid beats me/pinches me/spits on me/pulls my hair/yells in my ears and the parents laugh and think its cute 😐

    Relax sweets, you are doing fine 😀

    1. or when the kids hands Divz something dug from the ears, right Divz? 😛

      comfy, i asked my mom, this was what they tried for my niece : they had changed the room decor a bit, changed the toys in her crib, hence the change in her sleep pattern for the worse.

      They changed her nursery to back to what it was, so she became okay after that. not sure if this is of any help to you, ‘coz i dont see any mention of something like this in the comments thread, but this is what they tried.

      1. Nothing really changed in ther nursery..because her Ped was against any toys are anything in her crib. So there is nothing. It just might be the heat. It is getting very hot here the past month or so. And that is when all sleep issues started..

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