Before you were born I had so many ideas about the kind of parent I would be. Things I would do. How I would do them. I had an image of the way I would bring up my child. You turned all of them on the ear did you not? You showed me how foolish my parenting ideas were, did you not?
I will be very honest and say, I used to judge people whose kids were up past 9:00 P.M. I used to shake my head at parents who brought their kids to restaurants past 9:00 P.M. I used to think myself, I would never let my kid run around screaming in the store. You haven’t done the screaming bit and we haven’t done the taking you to the restaurant part late nights. But sleep. Oh yeah.
Today I am that parent whose child is up past 9:00 P.M. Today I am helpless. I did everything your pediatrician and various books said. I set up a routine for you and followed it religiously. I taught you to sleep on your own. Lights out at 8:15 and in your crib. Worked like a charm. Right around the time I was ready to show off, you shut me up nice and proper. Now I stand next to your crib, and stand and stand some more. The clock goes from 8:30 to 8:45 to 9:00 and beyond. Some days like today it goes past 10:30 despite having done everything I could think off.
Today when someone called and heard you screaming in the background and asked very innocently ‘Are kids not suppose to sleep by 7:30’, I got a dose of my own medicine. I felt judged. I ate my words before I could give any kind of clarification, but those words hit hard. I am turning in to that kind of mom.. the ‘bad mom’ in the eyes of others. Today something a friend said a while back takes on a fresh meaning. She said ‘It is the non-moms who judge moms’. It is not quite true but close enough. My statement would be, ‘You never judge a mom for something if you have crossed that stage of parenting she is in or are going through the same stage yourself.’
Having said all of this, this is about you. I want you to get enough sleep. To hell with rules to follow and what the books or anyone else says. You and the amount of sleep you get is what is of importance here. And that you are not getting enough off. I don’t know what to do sweetheart. I don’t know how to help. I know I get angry. I know I get frustrated. And that for sure is not helping. So give me some kind of a sign on what route do I take. Help me figure out what works for you. Work with me to get you the amount of sleep you actually need.
Please, just help me here,