Letting go

Dear Buzz,

When I was carrying you, it was me you depended on for everything. To keep you safe, to provide nourishment, to protect you. All you needed was me. Then you were born and your Nana and Nani along with your Paa were all there to take care of you. I did a lot for you still, but you did not need me exclusively. They were there to hold you when you cried, they rocked you to sleep, they changed your diaper every hour or so. But it was still me you needed for nourishment. And that made me feel special. The first time we gave you solids, I cried silent tears. Who said the process of letting go is easy?

Now we are a point where the only thing that I have left from just when you were born is the massage that I give you before your bath. Every time people hear of it, they are surprised that I am still at it. And there was a time when you wanted to move around so much that I kept promising myself no more. Kept ranting and said not tomorrow. And still I keep at it. Somewhere along the way I made up my mind that the moment that bottle of oil got over your massage stopped. You have grown since, have explored enough to stay still for the 10 mins the massage takes, know the schedule to even like it. Right when that bottle is on its way to getting over.

Suddenly I find myself holding on to every drop. Using a little less oil every day. Trying to make it last a little bit longer. I want to hold on to this last part of your babyhood. Even though you are a toddler, this one final thing I find myself unwilling to let go. I know I can’t go on forever with the massage. I know you don’t really need them anymore. I know it is time for me to stop. But, but, but..

When you grown up and if you happen to read this, know that your Maa is crazy and wants to hang on to you forever. But also remember that she knows when it is time to give up, even if it is kicking and crying. And maybe give her a little bit of extra rope as she works on the letting go process.

Love you sweetheart more than words can ever say,
-Maa

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54 thoughts on “Letting go

  1. Over here in India people keep up the massages for the baby till they are almost 3 or 4 years old. Don’t you think you should go on for a bit longer without worrying to let go?

      1. Tell you what, I still massage my girl. And she’s way older than 3 or 4. 😛

        Howzzat? 🙂

        And seriously, mothers in India do massage their kids till 3 or 4 years of age. Ask around and you’ll find out! I know a couple of cousins did for sure.

  2. oh come on comfy, you can give her a massage till she is 40. we’ll shoo away anyone who dares to tell otherwise.

    {or we’ll just come to your house vaary secretly and fill the oil bottle to the brim}

  3. This is extremely sweet. I am sure when Buzz grows up to read all these nice things to her, for her, she will treasure every word you write in here.
    Your girl is blessed to have you. (and vice-versa of course) 🙂

  4. God! I need a head massage from Mom nw 😛 See what u do to me Comfy … u either make me wanna hv a kid in a jiffy or miss my Mom …. and that is a compliment 😀 😀 😀

  5. tears rolled down… nice post
    I must say you are a fantastic mom, and
    I am sure your daughter will always admire your love, now and forever.
    Will you share your’s and Buzz pic….. anytime soon….?

  6. this post is a God-sent Comfy! I was in the foulest of the moods last night… I saw a mother in the train who was being a real tight-@$$-b!%&* with her own daughter… the poor lil child who looked like an angel, not more than 3, was crying silent tears… imagine, silent tears from a child… I didn’t see tantrums, wailing, anger or hear anything – pure sadness in her tear filled eyes…

    you are a wonderful person sweetheart… the rope always gets longer to let go, be it a parent for a child or vice versa… I pray the Comfy home to be ever overflowing with such love 🙂

    1. You know what..we never know why that Mom was being the way she was. I know there are times when Buzz does something wrong and I will tell her not to..and then she will start crying..Big Tears..eyes like her heart is breaking. But I need to let her..so that she learns.

      Am not saying that is what was going on there..all I am saying is who knows what was going on.

      Thanks for all the love..makes me feel awesome 🙂

      1. Oh I deliberately skipped that part – the mum was making the girl hold the pole while standing but the girl held on to the mum’s leg/hand… for which the mum pushed the child with force and yelled ‘I really hope you fall on your fat bum and learn’ 😦

        Then she went on and on about one should have kids only if they can be dumped with the father 😦
        The child then started crying secretly without a sound 😦 😦

        Agreed she’s going through an unpleasant phase probably, but it was so unfair on a child who was scared to hold to anything but her mum for support 😦

  7. Ok…many Awwwwwwwwwwws have gone here already…how about an understanding ‘Although its tough you’ll learn to let go dear’?? 🙂
    Hugs Comfy!! Know what you mean dear 🙂

  8. Read this, took a break, woke Mom and hugged her! >:D<
    Buzz would read it not once but tons of times, and would every moment know that you're the only one.
    Loads of love to you and buzz…

  9. Letting go..Oh, it HURTS!

    H fed Paapu with formula milk to see if she takes it…few days before my office began..and she did.

    I howled and weeped like a child.

    Hmm..its added nutrition along with nursing, so all is well now.Still..

    1. Oh that was one of the reason I could never do formula..I was too nuts about all of it..Now thinking back don’t think it was as huge a deal as I made it out to be 😦

  10. Ohh if this is the reason behind using less oil, I am with you comfy. I know how hard it was for me too to stop feeding my son. It was as if like the umbilical chord was getting snapped once again.

    Ohh am falling in love with Buzzy 🙂

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