Let's talk Men

and their commitment phobia.

Random conversation with a friend: We had been going around for 2 years, parents had been told, everyone knew we were getting married, but he was not ready to set a date. Took a lot of arm twisting and pressure from the entire family before he started talking Wedding.

Random conversation with another friend: I feel my biological clock ticking but every time I talk about having a baby, he tells me we have lots of time, we should focus on our career. Let’s visit having babies a couple of years from now.

I have had so many such conversations over time. And have also had the pleasure of hearing the other side. So let’s walk through some of the things the men around sprout.

Baby? How old are you? We will talk about one when you turn 30. That’s the age people say one should have a baby right? Why because having one before that will be a cardinal sin..right? Oh God, what will people think? She had a baby before she turned 30. So old-fashioned Indian of them.

Why do we need a baby? When we are so happy together. Oh the burden of responsibility of another human being is sure to break your back.

We won’t get to travel after we have one. Because as soon as you have a baby, the airlines refuse to issue tickets to destinations. You are even refused to drive outside the city limits.

We won’t have a chance to go party when we want to. The fact the you have not spontaneously picked up and gone partying in the last 5 years does not count. The fact that even the hope of one will be taken away is what is of importance here.

If you really read between the lines all this means is that they are scared about the loss of freedom, they don’t have a clue on how to handle the change.

So he resists with endless arguments, which she take intense pleasure in demolishing with the much acclaimed logic that the Men folks so gladly prize. When all else fails, the poor He start looking at each other for company. Then the unthinkable happen. One of their own kind caves in or has an accident (err..the wife got tired of waiting and stop taking the Pill one day, without telling. Oh OK accident did happen in one case that I know. The wife was in more shock than the guy). She has all the more ammunition and a knife to hang on the his neck.

The conversation goes something like hence:

She: Let’s make a baby
He: What’s the hurry
She: I could stop taking the Pill
He: You would not?
She: I would
He: I will not come close to you
She: We will see

Impasse..Basic instincts + other friends in the same boat + water works on her part..the hold out does not work for too long.

Ever month hence, as her despair rises, he rejoices. Till comes a day when she shrieks with joy and he looks on with hopelessness. The end of a dream. End of the world as he knows it. She puts on weight, is overjoyed about little flutters and kicks. He can’t feel a thing, no matter how many times she holds his hand on the stomach. She makes a list of things to buy. He can’t seem to gather the enthusiasm about spending money on an unknown. She buys little clothes. He can’t get himself to assemble the crib, the finality of it he can’t digest. She smiles with joy, holding on to her belly. He struggles with stating the simple fact that he feels nothing.

Then one fine day, just like that, push comes to shove. He holds the baby in his hands. And promptly falls in love. All it takes is a tiny bundle in his hands and he is smitten like never before. Even mouths words like, ‘Why did we wait so long? Let’s have another one real soon.’

All is suddenly right with the world. Rainbows are in the sky. Spring in the air.

Till, till she comes and says ‘Let’s make another baby’. Oh boy. Back to square one. Let’s start right at the beginning.

26 thoughts on “Let's talk Men

  1. Yeah I’ve heard this story from many people too…not being ready or losing out on your freedom and stuff…honestly I’m so glad this did not happen in my case…in fact A wanted a kid sooner than I did…so he left it on me to decide when that would happen 😛

    Its only a matter of time before you realise that having a kid changes your life for good…and I can vouch for it now. It makes one more responsible and tolerant, dont you think?

  2. How true comfy..Men are really scared to commit right from getting married to having a baby..but that’s how they are engineered by HIM 🙂 And that’s why women are what they are…to hold on and stabilize the fear factor in men 🙂

    As per our case we both are almost on same page..different lines may be 😉 so no hassles in deciding for the baby time and rest 🙂

    Did you have to convince D ? 🙂

    1. It’s in the blog somewhere.. too lazy to find the link 😛

      But it goes something like..we get married..once in a blue moon talk about the when of having a baby and tell each other 4 years from now. Years keep ticking..4 years from now stays..

      Till I was actually ready. I told him, I wanted one. He was like, what? So we talk. He says, give me some time. A few more conversations and a few months down the line..comes back and says, ‘Let’s’.

  3. At the risk of sounding odd I don’t look at it as commitment phobia. Who likes changes in life any way ?

    If one turns the table and converts that a man wants a child and his wife wants to delay it ; all the feminists will issue shoot at sight order.
    How the feelings of woman are not considered ; how her right to choose is being denied and all sorts.
    Will anyone label such a wife as commitment phobic as well ?

    Honestly I think having a baby or not it is such a personal issue to be dealt with two people involved in the process. I am sure the situations and reasons are not same in all the cases; each case is unique one and so will be the reasons and solutions to them.

    How I look at it is the two people involved lack in understanding and coming to some common resolution.

    and I hope it is okay to disagree. Nothing personal. 🙂

    1. I agree with Blue Mist. Totally.

      Men in general are wary of commitment. True.

      Er… And at one point of time, I was too. But what the hell, those were happy days! 😀

    2. It totally is OK to disagree..that was the main reason this post was written. Wanted to see what the comments looked like.

      Now let me tell you..the conversation happened between a bunch of ladies, on a night out..dinner and movies, away from husbands and kids.

      It was fun and everyone knew that this was a caricature sketch of men, but everyone was having fun, so kept adding tit bits to it.

      I did not want to say that in the post, because I did not want the comments to go something like, What a fun conversation. Or, It’s so nice to be out with friends etc..

      And while I had fun and laughed a lot at things that were said, I do not agree to a lot of it, because as you said, a relationship is between two people and it is their understanding of each other and their discussion. You cannot put any two human beings, or any two relationships in the same box, can you?

  4. Amazingly hilarious the way you expressed this. 🙂

    But what the hell. Men will be men, always. And this coming from a guy in mid thirties, still not gone the baby way.

    Oh well. 😦

  5. No personal experience, but what I can tell from what I observe among my friends is that I agree with BM. I know many guys who are more willing to commit – be it a relationship, getting married or having a child – than their female partners. But they sail along together compromising and coming up with a solution that works for both of them.

    1. There are commitment phobic people on both sides. That is what make things so interesting. Adds spice to things and all 🙂

      Yes, in the end it is the will to listen to each other and come up with a common solution is what makes relationships work.

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