On being tuned out

Over the weekend the extended set of girlfriends met up..for time away from husband, babies (if they had any), family (if any is visiting)..to just hang out, relax, talk. Everyone was having a blast. Talk turned to wedding and wedding days, with everyone sharing fun, not so fun antidotes of days leading to and the day itself when they tied the knot.

One friend got really quite and said: I have secret to share. This is not my first marriage. I was married before I married G

A hush fell over everyone.

She: Can you guess who I was married to??

Now D and G are very good friends and I had met her one on one a number of times before they got married and also after they came back after the wedding. I had heard their wedding story a lot of time in a lot many different conversations. So as soon as she asked her question I knew exactly what she was talking about. She had always joked about this other marriage of her, referred to it in passing, laughed at absurdity of it all. And I guess based on her attitude of it, I never gave it much of a thought. I remember thinking of it, the first time her first marriage was brought up, but not too long, not too hard. This time as she announced it to everyone and as her eyes filled up with tears, I actually stopped, and started really looking at the event from different set of eyes.

Here is some background..She was born is India..her parents moved out here when she was 2 years old. Hence all her values, her thought process, her growing up days are not Indian. She sees them, hears about them from family but does not believe in them. Anyways she goes and falls in love with an India guy who is a Mangalik..where she is not  (or is she and he is not..not sure). Which is apparently a big no no..and if they did marry her husband would not survive. So what do her parents/family do?? Get her married to a Matkaa (earthen pot).. and then the pot is let go in a river..symbolizing the husband is dead and now the curse is lifted and a Mangalik and non-Mangalik are free to marry each other.

I know she is fairly vocal and so is G, so I can’t for a minute believe they were not opposed to the whole first marriage thing. But customs, kundali, gund all had to be followed. And my question is why?? And even if they have to why does the girl have to take the burden of it all? Why could not the guy be married to a stick or something. Why is it the woman who has to marry a pot or a tree (Ashwarya Rai anyone) or whatever? Why is it that if the kundali’s number of gund don’t match that the solution is to change the girl’s name post marriage? Why not change the groom’s name? Does the bride not have a right to call the love of her life her first husband or to be called by the name given to her at birth?

I for one claim to have no knowledge of the planets and their position and the effect of their position on a human. There might be some logic to it, there might not. The above questions have been talked about and discussed in detail by many. But my basic question is how can someone not listen to the silent cry of someone close to them, how can someone force their dear one go through such a humiliating experience, how can someone tune out the voice of their loved one..??..


13 thoughts on “On being tuned out

  1. these things happen more often than not…i don’t know of any manglik incidents in the friends / relatives circle, but i know quite a number of people who face hardships because of horoscopes and such…and i don’t have any aswers as to why it is made out to be such a big deal

    1. All of this just makes me sad..when will we let go? How long will we go on like this? When will we make some true progress..Progress of mind??..
      I don’t have answers either..till we take a stand against any of this for the people we love..I don’t think this is ever going to end.

  2. Gee, I don’t know either. It sounds weird. My wife was manglik too. I’m not. I’m still alive. We did not change her name. Neither of us got married to an earthen pot or a tree or whatever. I don’t know what it means or what impact it might have to our future. If I must die, then so be it. (Our’s was an arranged marriage on Shaadi.com)

  3. Wonderful post… i dont understand this concept of manglik n all.. arent all humans created by god…then why distinguish based on the planets… my frd is a manglik she married a tree too… she was nt convinced of te whole thing but her family forced her to do so… i dont knw when will all this stop..its really sad…

  4. I don’t know what to say… coz I have no clue about astrology, kundali and stuff…
    But the last para hit a nail – how can you be impervious to your beloved’s feelings? Why should a girl marry at all if this is what you convey – ‘change your name, looks, family, beliefs – YOURSELF if you want to marry me’?

  5. Sad. I look at astro or whatever just as guide but can’t take it as last word. We did not check out kundlis or matched the points. I think the love for two people who wants to marry each other should be above all this.

    1. That’s the point..marry someone for love, not of the gund matching..D and I don’t even have horoscopes so no checking out anything for us..I am so glad about that..

  6. Sad state of affairs indeed! But we have SOOOO many things like this in the society that we live in now right? Genuine feelins like ‘love’ come way behind a lot of such superstitious crap. When will all this change? I dont know. But it should.

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