Ashk chalakte nahien,
Lafj jubaan per aate nahein,
Muskuraate hein honth,
Nazareein magar chamakti nahein.

Yaadoin ko samete,
Chalte jaana hei aage,
Bematlab hei mudkar dekhna,
Kadam magar aage badhte nahein.

Naa jaane kya hei likha,
Naa jaane kya hoga aage,
Samay ko hei chalte jaana,
Dil ke eak dhadkan jo ruki magar, ab chal paati nahein.

Eak aawaaz goonjti hei,
Mastishk ki gehraayiyoin mein,
Dhundti hei tumhein dhundali parchayioin mein,
Tum jo gaye magar, laut kar aate nahein.

You don’t want that to happen do you?
No!
You tell them, no. You can say that you have to ask Mumma or Papa for permission before taking anything from them.
Candy bhi nahein?
Nahein.
Chocolate bhi nahein?
Nahein.
IceCream bhi nahein?
Nahein.
You do not take anything from others without asking Mumma Papa’s permission. Again, what do you do when someone you don’t know offers something like candy to you?
Pehle please bolna aur phir thank you.*

Face meet palm! Palm say hi to face!

At least there are some lessons she is learning well!

*First say please and then thank you.

Before I say anything, I think every parent should go read this. These are guidelines for Little League but they make sense in day to day life as well, after all the end goal is to try and protect our kids from abuse.

Now on to the little steps D and I have started taking. We spoke about it at length and decided ‘Keep It Simple Stupid’ was the way to go for now. Our task was further simplified on Buzz’s last visit to her pediatrician’s office. *Start digression* Buzz thinks Doctors’ offices are special. After all Mom kept going to one while she was pregnant and then for post-natal checkups as well. Bugz gets to go frequently too, what with all the monthly checkups and immunization visits. Papa had a few trips in the middle for some reason. Which meant Buzz was the only one left out of the loop. Added to that Buzz’s trips to the doctor’s office are a lot of fun. New toys to play with while we wait, no hurt or pain of any kind, a sticker and lollypop in the end. Who would not want to go to the doctor’s office? *End digression* Her pediatrician spoke to her about her private areas and that no one was supposed to touch them.

For all the times Buzz refused to pay attention to what we were telling her, she listened to her doctor in the first go around. We have been keeping at it since. It is all play and games for her but at least she replies back with correct answers when asked:

Who is allowed to touch your private area?
What do you do when someone touches you there?
What do you do when someone tells you not to tell Mumma or Papa?

After which we move on to jumping on the stairs or splashing in the water or whatever else we were doing.

Will this help? I don’t know, but I hope it does. I really hope it does.

Till, the first car changes lanes and starts to slow, getting ready to take a different road. The second one catches up but instead of zooming past, the breaks are applied gently. Buzz peeps out from the window of the first car, smiles big and waves bye.

Three seconds or less of driving parallel to one another, a beautiful moment that lingers throughout the day.

Out of proportion blown silly things..
Every word uttered is wrong..
Good intentions ignored..
Feeling in overdrive..
Nothing is ever right..
Do you realize the value of what you hold?

A pat on the head..
Someone to care enough..
To tell me right from wrong..
A hand to help..
Warm hugs for the kids..
Do you know how much I yearn for it?

With tears brimmed eyes, I watch..
Mind screams for you to stop..
‘What if’ rears its head..
Lost to time..
Lost to life..
Do you know what I would give to have what you have?

Mumma se puch lo, wo haan bolen to le lena.*

Nahein Mumma se mat puchho, wo manna kar dengi.**

came the reply in a little voice.

!!!

Yeah that was my reaction. So much for taking all the pains of trying to teach them right from wrong!

*Ask Mumma, if she says yes then you can get it.
** No don’t ask Mumma, she will say no.

Buzz: Is mein eak chotta gate hota hei? (Does this have a small gate?)
Me: Kis mein? (What does?)
Buzz: Is mein (In this) *pointing to the stomach*
Me: Gate?
Buzz: Haan, nahein to baby bahar kaise aata hei? (Yeah, else how does the baby come out?)

HELP! All you wise people out there.

‘Aur Buzz bhi thi wahaan pe’*, chimed in Buzz.

‘No no Buzz was not there’, said D

‘Then where was Buzz?’

 ’err..hmm..you know..errr..’, D tried pacifying the super upset Buzz where no answer was the right one. 

I am still laughing!

************************************************

I could hear the two of them talking, D patiently trying to explain something to Buzz. And repeating it over and over again. Some 10 minutes later as Bugz slept I went to see. These two were still at it. Now 3 days later, I can’t for the life of me remember what D was teaching Buzz but what I remember is that he looked at me, smiled and said, ‘If I keep at it, a few minutes every day, she will pick it up soon. I want my girls to be confident and self-reliant.’

Aah the father speaks!

************************************************

I finally got some pictures from the India trip out to my computer. As I was going through them I came across a picture of Buzz with D’s sister. I gasped, ‘Oh my! Buzz looks so much like Didi.’

‘Don’t say that. Why would you say something like that?’, D said in anger.

‘err Didi and you have a lot of features in common and Buzz takes after you. So…’

‘Then say Buzz looks like me. She is my daughter, she looks like ME!’

OK then Dad dear!

************************************************

Buzz sat in D’s lap. There were laughs and hugs and Iloveyous. Suddenly D looked at her and said, ‘If you ever have a boyfriend, he is going to be in so much trouble.’

Dad is having nightmares already!

************************************************

On the other hand: I took Buzz to the doctor’s office. Her pediatrician asked her what she played with?

‘Papa’, pat comes the reply.

************************************************

*And Buzz was also there

‘Jab mein badi hoingi’*, you say every other minute. You will be allowed to cut onions using a knife, or drive the car or feed Bugz and endless other things you come up with. It all started when Bugz came in to our lives. As your Paa told me a few hours after Bugz was born, you grew at least a foot in height and a year in age in the span of half a day. You were our baby one day and the next you were the big sister and when compared to the little member of our family, you looked so big. You of course are tickled pink to be a grown up. ‘

‘Bugz to choti hei. Per mein to badi huin’**, is another favorite of yours. You have grown up and how. Your Maami pointed out that something was different about your voice when we were talking to her on Skype while in India. For a minute I was stumped and then it hit me, you had lost your baby voice. You had the sweetest baby voice and on top of that you spoke in a sing song manner. It was so different and cute that we all used to copy it. And then in a span of two weeks it was gone, taken over by a more mature voice.

You now have firm choices. You understand when something goes wrong. You know how to show affection, how to get your anger across and how to butter us up when you know you are in trouble. You ask for a hug after the punishment is done with,, as if to wipe the slate clean. You laugh with your eyes shining when given something you want. You remember things that happened months ago. You jump, you run, you talk. Oh how much you talk!

When you were a year old, you would play with the pots and pans while I worked in the kitchen. Slowly it morphed in to your version of helping me out, which meant you played with the spoons, moving them from one basket to the other as I emptied the dishwasher. And then there is now. I don’t know when things changed, but now there is no pretend help. You actually help me. In fact you have defined your part in everything that we do. You hand things to me that are not too heavy, to keep away, as we empty the dishwasher. If I try picking them up myself, I hear from you almost immediately. You just have to add that small pinch of salt or a dash of cilantro powder as I cook. Your Paa cannot make tea without you adding the tea leaves or the sugar. As I said you have marked certain tasks as yours and taking them from you means a full blown tantrum.

And then there is Bugz. You would take over and not let anyone else do anything for her if  we would let you. You are fascinated with her diaper changes and massage and bath. You are amused because she has no teeth and you have so many. You lie with her in her play gym, giving her frequent kisses. The same play gym, mind you, that you found too boring when you were little because who would want to stay in one place when one could see the entire room by rolling around. You show her off like crazy when we come to pick you up from school. ‘My baby’, you say over and over away as you dance along. Every time she wears something or plays with something, you want to know if it was yours. ‘Jub Buzz choti thi, to Buzz bhi yeah pehenti thi?’***, you want to know. And every time I say yes, you laugh with glee. Did I not say, you are just too happy that you are a big girl?

There is a certain joy in you that I hope you keep for a long long time to come. It is so easy to make you laugh. A funny voice, stomach kisses, a fast push as you sit on a swing, a voice on the phone, a glass of juice, certain song, a sweater, balloons, cupcakes, blueberries, packed lunch, umbrella, stickers, candy (err your gummy bear vitamins), milk, parantha with butter, pasta, the sound of the garage door opening. The list is endless and so are your laughs.

As I make rotis and you roll one alongside with your roller, you tell me, ‘Jab mein badi hongi aur Mumma choti, to mein bhi aap ke liye khaana banaoingi’****. And I melt. (And no I don’t try and explain that I will not become small. A little too much to understand that). You have filled our lives with your laughter. You brighten our days with your smile. You entertain us endlessly with your non-stop chatter. You test our patience too but then that is part of being you. And your Paa and I love you for that and more. We love you for what you are now and what you will be when you grow up.

Stay healthy, stay happy, stay you. Always!

Loads of love,
-Maa

*When I grow up
**Bugz is small. But I am big.
***When Buzz was small, Buzz also used to wear this?
***When I grow up and Mumma will become small, I will also make food for you.